Everything* In The Witcher 3, Ranked

Everything* In The Witcher 3, Ranked
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Many things happen over the course of your adventures in The Witcher 3. Some are forgettable. Most are far from it.

Here, then, is an objective and comprehensive list of…ah, who am I kidding, here’s a massive list of the things I loved most from a game I love so damn much.

USE YOUR WITCHER SENSE TO AVOID MASSIVE SPOILERS

(Note: I say Everything* in the headline because while I have opinions on almost everything in the game, from Dwarven Ale to NPC lines like “another drifter in from Temeria”, I don’t want to keep you here all day. This, then, is just the best stuff.)


52. The Wind


51. Combat finishers


50. Getting a magic, Bloodborne-esque shovel.


49. Ciri’s combat moves.


48. Talking demon animals


47. Snow dates with Yenn


46. Gettin’ wild at the hot springs


45. The word “Noonwraith”


44. Getting sucked inside a painting and mercy-killing a ghost.


43. Lighting


42. Suicidal explosives experts


41. Chatting with a corpse, and a very angry werewolf.


40. Murder mysteries.


39. Unicorn sex


38. Ain’t no party like a giant murderous bear party.


37. Joining the theatre.


36. Joining the circus.


35. Gettin’ blind drunk, stealing Yen’s clothes and making magic prank calls.


34. Beating the devil at his own game


33. THIS FUCKIN’ LIL’ GUY


32. “Thanks bunches”


31. Lighting


30. Puss-peepers (vid source)


29. The view from Kaer Trolde


28. Stealing a kiss with Triss


27. Sidequests that directly reference the decisions you made in the main storyline.


26. Cheery loading screens


25. The taxman


24. Skellige


23. Awkward boat sex.


22. Hiking up to enjoy the views around Kaer Morhen


21. The epic final fights


20. Saying goodbye to an old friend.


19. Shani


18. Lighting


17. This guy


16. Johnny


15. The vulnerability and wickedness of “The Bloody Baron”.


14. An entire sidequest built solely around cheese jokes.


13. Everything about the breathless, epic siege of Kaer Morhen


12. Novigrad


11. Letting a horny ghost possess you, who then gets his drink on, dances around and tries to get you both laid.


10. Geralt the poet (vid source)


9. Exploring the very ends of the world


8. “This is very romantic”.


7. Cerys.


6. The complexity and sweetness of Geralt & Yenn’s relationship


5. Finding Ciri.


4. Becoming an inter-dimensional astronaut and literally travelling to an alien planet.


3. The Tower of Mice. Just…holy shit.


2. Throwing a baby in an oven.


1. The “Good Dad” ending.

Comments

  • Unicorn sex scene not being #1 and Gwent not on the list at all makes this list terrible and makes me question Luke Plunkett’s judgement on everything.

  • I just finished the game (Still need to play the Expansion stuff though) and thought the whole thing was fantastic! Will take time to write a more in-depth reply when I can. You know when you finish a game and end up lying in bed looking back, reflecting on the ending, what became of world events, characters sub-plots and in general the whole experience for hours (and coming days)? Yeah it was one of those games. Will stay with me for a while I think, absolute amazing.

  • Yeah, how poignant was it when he finally meets up with Ciri but thinks that she’s dead … Then she stirs! … And the joy of him finding little Ciri again!

    BRAVO CDPR! Can’t wait to see what you’ll do with Cyberpunk 2077!

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