Valve Announces The Steam Awards

Valve Announces The Steam Awards

It’s the end of the year, which means a) oh thank God, and b) it’s award season! For the first time ever, Steam is giving out its own set of awards.

As part of the Steam Autumn Sale, which just kicked off, Valve is asking users to nominate games in a number of fairly self-explanatory categories. They are:

  • The “Test of Time” Award
  • The “I’m Not Crying, There’s Something In My Eye” Award
  • The “Just 5 More Minutes” Award
  • The “Whoooaaaaaaa, dude!” Award
  • The “Villain Most In Need Of A Hug” Award
  • The “Game Within A Game” Award
  • The “I Thought This Game Was Cool Before It Won An Award” Award
  • The “Best Use Of A Farm Animal” Award
  • The “We Didn’t Think Of Everything” Award

The last one is basically a “make your own category” section. Valve plans to tally up all of those and, via some unknowable metric outside the bounds of space and time (but probably “counting”), create a final category.

You can earn and level up a special badge for nominating/reviewing games, if you’re into Steam badges.

So, what are you gonna nominate? Aside from Stardew Valley in the “Best Use Of A Farm Animal” category, I mean. That one’s a little too obvious. Unless you’re one of the 10 people on Earth who’s logged 1000+ hours into Goat Simulator, anyway.


  • “We’re giving out first, second and fourth place awards tonight!”

    “What about third?”

    “That’s right first, second and fourth place!”

    “Seriously, Gabe, what about people who come third?”


    “But no third?”

    “Thir…..thir……. thir……….th………fourth!”

  • Man, I spent a little time going through my library this morning trying to figure out what was best for which.

    I ended up with:

    Test of Time – Dark Souls (Still the best version.)
    I’m Not Crying – This War of Mine (The classic version was bad enough, FUCK playing the ‘children’ DLC.)
    Just 5 More Minutes – Game Dev Tycoon (Look, there were a lot of candidates in the 4X genre, but I was not expecting this one.)
    Woooaah, Dude – Spec Ops: The Line (Because holy shit, have you played it?)
    Villain Most in Need of a Hug – Well, since I already nominated Spec Ops: The Line… I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream (Depending on who you think the villain(s) is/are.)
    Game Within A Game – What the fuck is this category even?
    Hipster Award – Gunpoint (Did this ever blow up? It did, right? It should have! It deserves to!)
    Best Use of Farm Animal – Stardew Valley (Because FARMING is the correct use of a farm animal. Fuck is wrong with you people?)
    We DIdn’t Think of Everything: Rimworld for ‘Early Access That Wasn’t A Fucking Scam And Didn’t Suck Balls

  • For best use of a farm animal I chose The Wolf Among Us because Colin.
    Stardew Valley should not have a total cleansweep of this one, even though it totally will.

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