I Tried To Make Porridge In Zelda: Breath Of The Wild

Hi, my name is Mark and I am obsessed with porridge. I am Scottish and I sincerely believe that porridge is the most nutritious and effective breakfast you can eat. So when I heard that the new Zelda had cooking I knew it was my destiny to give Link a meal he would never forget. I knew it was my destiny to make porridge in Zelda.

This is my story.


Ah morning. The best time of the day. Nothing better to start the day than a delicious, satisfying bowl of porridge. This will be easy.


Alright, let's get started. What ingredients do I have? I reckon Hylian Rice works. People make rice porridge. Maybe I can make this happen with the rice.


I'll need something else though, obviously. Some form of liquid. Chuchu seems like the way to go. It's the closest thing I have to water. Should I go white or blue?


I'm gonna go blue.


Alright, this can't fail.


Fuck. What the hell is this? I can't eat this!


I reckon it was the blue chuchu's fault. I thought "water is blue, right?" That's where my head was at. But that's actually bullshit. Water is transparent you goof. Let's go with the white this time!


Also: porridge is 'hearty', therefore I need to add this 'hearty radish' if I want to make a true bowl of porridge.


Also, let's try rice again. THIS IS MY LAST RICE. STAKES ARE HIGH.


Come on... don't let me down. I need this...


Ah bollocks.


This will not fly.


I still believe in chuchu. Don't let me down chuchu


I don't have any rice left. But maybe rice was the problem? I'm gonna go with this herb thing. It looks like a grain! Yeah! This is definitely gonna work. I've finally unlocked the secret of porridge like my ancestors before me.


And salt! I should have been using salt from the start. My Dad always told me that a true Scotsman adds salt to his porridge. Fuck yeah salt!


I've got this. No way this doesn't work...


Come to papa! This dude with the hat is rooting for me all the way...


Yessssssss.


NOOOOOOOOO!


Bugger this. I give up.


WATCH MORE: Nintendo News


Comments

    Lon Lon milk is required Mr. Serrels.

      Serrels is right about the salt, but his view on water vs. milk is tantamount to heresy!

      If I were going balls-out in botw porridge, I'd go the rice or wheat, honey, milk, salt, and a nut of some kind.

    Sorry have to say it.

    "But dats naw how yew make porriiigue!!!!".

      Hehehehe. I said something similar in the other thread.

      :-P

      I don't know why, but that ad, and the goggomobile ad have been stitched into the very fabric of Australian society.

      Also "is Don is good", "bugger", and "not happy, Jan!".

        GEE OOO GEE GEE OOOO~~ lol that brings back memories.

          YESSSS!!!!

          It's on youtube. I was finally able to see what everyone was talking about when I was a kid.

          STOP! STOP!

          [Crunch!]

          Strewth! Look what you've done to my hip!

    Hmm, I've been avoiding screenshots due to spoilers and this is the first time I've looked at one. Is the aliasing/shimmering pretty bad, or is it just me?

    Between the joys of climbing and porridge, i'm surprised you have managed to fill your inventory and heart count as much as you have Mark!

    Didn't your porridge turn out the same at the Pax Food Fight?

    Jokes aside, when my copy arrives I'm actually gonna try to make porridge.

    The simpleton that I am, I'm just gonna keep it simple and see what happens: oats, salt and milk.

    That is assuming all three actually exist in the lore the game.

    And on a personal note, I swear by porridge; used to keep me energised and away from snacking back when I was still at Uni.

    Any monster parts can only be used for elixirs.

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