The Hater's Review Of Red Dead Redemption 2

Red Dead Redemption 2 is one of my absolute favourite games of this decade. If ever an achievement could stagger, this game represents that achievement. I made a 40-minute video highlighting every tiny thing wrong with it.

Maybe it’s in your best interest to hate this game. Maybe you’re expecting it as a Christmas present, and you want to cool your hype. Or maybe you just hate cowboys because they’re always dusty, and you can’t stand to look at all that dust. Whatever the reason for your loathing, I have, as they say, “got” you with this video.

Many of the bullet points I present you in this review are jokes. Many of them are not jokes. Many of the jokes contain sincerity. Much of the sincerity contains humorous turns of phrase. I can’t tell you which is which and what is where. You have to feel it for yourself. Such is the nature of a hater’s review.

Here’s a taste: Red Dead Redemption 2's horses’ virtual scrotums shrink in cold weather and expand in hot weather. That’s realistic. You can hunt, kill, and skin something like 500 different species of animal. This also is realistic.

Why can’t you skin horses, though? Why can’t Arthur Morgan eat horse meat? You’re telling me this is a game about desperate, lawman-pursued outlaw cowboys who regularly decapitate their oppressors with shotguns, yet they’re too squeamish to eat a horse? I don’t buy it.

If you should dare to click, expect to learn lessons about shaving tool history, turn-of-the-century glass blowing, Manifest Destiny, and American Exceptionalism.

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Comments

    Can this guy just talk normally. The video looked like a cool concept but after starting the video his voice just grinds on me.

    Just act normal. FFS

    I lasted longer than normal this time: 64 seconds.

    Dear Mr Rogers, please turn up the deadpan / turn down the 'I have just made an ironic statement' tone. Please.

      That's actually quite funny because I turned on the CC because I can't use speakers ATM and I actually heard it in my head in a very dead pan way. I have to mention that it's the first time I'm watching a Haters Review video though.

    Tim Rogers is the best thing about Kotaku.

      His writing is great. His video style, not so much.

        I don't mind the video style. But yeah - writing is great

    I really enjoy my cowboy role-playing but my problem with the game is how much it relies on GTA5 mechanics and systems.
    The medal systems
    That bloody autosave crap
    The San Andreas like AI
    The weapon wheel
    There's more but I like to say that it should have powered by GTA5 at the title screen

      The medal systems Can see why that's annoying, but for me, as its announced after the fact, I don't give a rats about it. Later on if I bother to 100% it, maybe, but as I'm going through the story the first time, don't care.
      That bloody autosave crap Turn it off then. And/Or use the manual save system they do such a wonderfully bad job (ie, they don't) explaining.
      The weapon wheel I'm not liking how it defaults to pistols, etc, but for the most part have gotten somewhat used to it. Not my favourite feature by a longshot, but I've seen worse.

      End result is that it all feels clunky but serviceable, which is a shame given how incredibly good the actual game is.

        The manual save system is atrocious, it completely locks you out of saving at all for massive sections of the game because you're completing story missions. This might have been acceptable, but with how unstable the game is (in my playthrough I had to force the app to close at least 5 times because the game failed to give me control after a cutscene), it essentially makes the manual save system completely useless.

        Last edited 08/11/18 1:33 pm

          Fair enough. For me it hasn't impacted on me to the point of being an issue, it seems to have been different for you. I haven't had that control issue either, so am commenting from a different perspective.

    After about 50 hrs of playing this game......I think I'm almost done to be honest......and I haven't finished the storyline yet.

    At first I absolutely loved it to death. But now I'm just a little over it all. The game feels like a chore now to be honest.

      Yeah I'm hitting that point now. On Chapter 3 and done 50% of the content. All my guns are gold. Got my pimp clothes. Camp fully upgraded. I'm reached the - just rush through the story mode to see the ending - part of the game. Doesn't mean it's not an amazing game. Most singleplayer games reach that point at some point.

        I started chapter 4. Did a few missions. Rode back to camp and a guy said "follow me I want to tell you about something". Not again with the riding around only to tell me my mission is somewhere else. Ejected disk and took game map off of my wall. Game over.

    I’m finding the gun thing to be overall the most annoying part of the game... It’s like a true lucky dip every time I get off my horse as to what - if anything - i’ll have equipped.

    The killer for me is that i’ve had a couple of missions recently where I knew it would end in a shootout (not exactly a big shout as pretty much every mission does) but whilst both on and having got off my horse it wouldn’t under any circumstance let me take a gun other than the default equipped pistol/sidearm; Sure enough, brown hit the fan & as always 50 enemies start appearing from all corners, and there’s me, having to fight off people with rifles, shotguns and whatever else with two tiny pistols. Don’t let me modify/customise all my guns if you’re going to stop me using them half the time!! Have actually started to get quite into the shooting - dodgy controls aside - now I know how it all hangs together (and i’ve got a decent gun!), yet it’s almost like the game can tell i’m having fun and is thus determined to stomp it out as quickly as possible.

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