Just My Opinion: The Company Offering $190,000 For The Perfect Robot Face Should Choose Luigi

Illustration: Nintendo/Koji Sasahara, AP

British engineering firm Geomiq is now accepting submissions from the public to be the literal face of a “state of the art humanoid” robot slated for production in exchange for $190,000, CNET reported on Wednesday.

Geomiq is asking for those interested to sent in photos of their faces to the company (instructions on Geomiq’s website here). The company explained that it was contacted by a VC-funded company for a “secretive” project that has been underway for five years. The only details provided through the blog post are that the face must be “kind and friendly” and that the resulting robot will act as a “virtual friend” for elderly people, with potentially thousands of units going into production. Whoever wins the competition will get licensing fees of £100,000 (around $190,000).

So, pretty straightforward. I have some thoughts.

First of all, it’s pretty clear to me that Mario is the front-runner, as he usually is, undeservedly. The guy jumps on a couple thousand Goombas or recklessly throws turtle shells at competitors in a go-kart race, and suddenly everyone’s just fawning over him, yelling stuff like “Mario jumps, Luigi slumps!” or “Legalise Metal Mario!” It’s a cult of personality, ok? You should pick Luigi, and not just because he owes Bowser a lot of coins.

Here is a short list of the most compelling reasons to choose Luigi:

  • Mario is very short. A tall robot with Mario’s face would be an affront to human decency. A robot of any height featuring Luigi’s face would look comparatively fine, as Luigi is already freakishly tall

  • During the events of Luigi’s Mansion, the real Luigi proved himself capable of many routine domestic tasks, such as vacuuming ghosts

  • Broadens customer base, as he is not recognised as a serious threat by Koopas

  • Luigi has a slightly more varied colour palette than Mario

  • Good chance Nintendo won’t even notice

  • Mario doesn’t need the money. Luigi needs any help he can get

I rest my case. Thank you, and please put Luigi’s face on the terrifying metal man.


Comments

Be the first to comment on this story!

Trending Stories Right Now