Please, Just Let Me Be The Dog

Please, Just Let Me Be The Dog
Image: Cyanide / Kotaku
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There’s a new game out. It lets you play as a dog (or wolf I guess, but whatever.). But then, throughout the game, it turns you back into a human against your will. Hey, stop that. Video game. Stop. Let me be the dog, please.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse – Earthblood isn’t great. It’s a lot of dumb action and silly cutscenes. It’s entertaining for sure, but it’s not something you should go out and buy. I do recommend, however, reading Fahey’s wonderful post about it and how it made him feel.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse – Earthblood Is Dumb Fun ’90s Me Would Have Loved

A man walks into a room filled with armed employees of an evil corporation that profits off harming the planet. Heavy-metal music kicks in as the man transforms into a fur-covered whirlwind of claws and fangs. One murder-filled moment later the music fades and the beast reverts to human form,...

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The best part of Werewolf: The Apocalypse – Earthblood, or Earthblood as I will now call it to save us all some time, is without a doubt the ability for the main character, Cahal, to become a dog. You know, you think about how popular dogs are these days online and it seems wild that we don’t get dozens of dog video games every year. Well, at least we have Earthblood.

Or so I thought!

You see, while it is true that you can shapeshift into a dog, the game constantly rips you out of dog-mode and turns you back into a human. Now sometimes I understand why it does this. If I need to turn on a computer or drive a vehicle, I get it. Dogs are great, but they can’t do everything. So in those instances, I understand.

Gif: Cyanide / Kotaku Gif: Cyanide / Kotaku

But other times it makes less sense. For example, if I want to attack a human guard the game shifts me into human-form. What the shit? Dogs can bite and attack as well, maybe better even, than most humans. Let me take dudes out as a badass wolfhound, not a lame dude cosplaying as Matthew McConaughey in Reign of Fire.

Some areas even FORCE you to be a human. WHY?  (Photo: Cyanide / Kotaku) Some areas even FORCE you to be a human. WHY? (Photo: Cyanide / Kotaku)

Another strange time Earthblood turns me back into a human happens whenever Cahal talks to himself. This isn’t him monologuing in his own mind, but him actually talking out loud, sometimes near other people or guards. Why do it this way? Instead, have Cahal think about how much this letter reminds him of his dead wife and stop ripping me out of dog-mode.  Dogs can think! And this isn’t a normal dog, it’s a weird magic-werewolf-human dog. I totally bet it can have its own inner monologues.

The more the game shifts me between the cool, fast dog and the boring, slow human, the more I begin to think about little things. Where do all the items Cahal carries go when he enters dog-mode? At one point I entered a vent as a dog and someone spoke to me over a radio earpiece. Is that in the dog’s ear? Or Cahal’s ear? Cahal can also drink booze in the game. Does that mean the dog is drunk sometimes? That would explain all the weird leaping and jumping.

Screenshot: Cyanide / Kotaku Screenshot: Cyanide / Kotaku

Game developers, it’s simple. If you give me the option to play as a dog, I’m going to play as a dog. Don’t take that away from me because you didn’t want to break new ground in a game and have a dog who can drive, use computers, and open doors.

I guess I’ll just wait for modders to fix this horrible injustice.

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