Our Pitches For A Fast And Furious X Jurassic Park Film, Because Life Finds A Highway

Our Pitches For A Fast And Furious X Jurassic Park Film, Because Life Finds A Highway

In news that has me quite literally jumping out of my seat with excitement, a Fast and Furious x Jurassic Park crossover is a very real possibility.

Fast and Furious 9 director Justin Lin and star Michelle Rodriguez caused absolute chaos in a recent interview with Collider when he said he wouldn’t rule out the possibility with fellow Universal franchise Jurassic World.

“I’m all in! Once you reach a certain pinnacle, there’s nowhere to go, but to cross-brand and merge. It’s what big corporations do with each other when they get too big,” Rodriguez said.

“You just have to brand and merge with each other. The only thing standing in the way is lawyers and studios. Usually, the brands that you’re trying to merge belong to different studios. But if it’s under the same umbrella, I don’t know. I’m just saying, it works.”

And that’s when Lin chimed in with the infamous “never say never” line.

“I never say never to anything. Part of our philosophy is not to ever be boxed in or labelled. That’s all I will say.”

Our pitches for a Jurassic Park x Fast and the Furious crossover

As Gizmodo’s resident Jurassic Park reporter, I simply had to take this idea and run with it. I mean, the possibilities are truly endless.

So, on account of the fact that this would be the most iconic crossover in cinematic history, I thought I’d ask my coworkers for their 1 sentence pitches for a FFxJW crossover film that Gizmodo will definitely fund and produce.

Personally, I envision the crossover – entitled The Fast and The T-Rex Is Furious – to take place after the upcoming Jurassic World film.

We don’t know much about the film just yet, but we do know that the OG cast (Laura Dern, Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum) will all be in attendance, and after the end of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, we can safely assume that dinosaurs have infiltrated mainland America.

In the crossover, the Indoraptor (who I can only assume is now the dino overlord) holds Ian, Ellie and Alan hostage in a ploy to take over the world and repopulate the planet with dinosaurs. Naturally, the only people who can save them are Jason Statham, The Rock and Vin Diesel (all shirtless, for thirst reasons). John Cena, who has the power of invisibility, runs away to a Greek Island to sip cocktails in peace.

For what it’s worth, Vin Diesel and The Rock are also best friends in my make-believe cinematic universe.

But let’s take a look at some other suggestions from the wider team, shall we?

“Fast and Furious, but instead of driving cars, they ride dinosaurs.” – Lauren

“Chased through the undergrowth by a swarm of ancient lizards, Ludacris stumbles through the jungle and finds an abandoned shed. It’s dark, but he finds a tarp draped over a large object. He lifts it, and in the moonlight, he spies the ‘Jeep’ logo…” – David

“They teach the dinosaurs to drive cars as a new initiative to increase park attendance, all is great for a bit *dinosaurs are driving cars* but eventually the dinosaurs become too powerful and take over the island in their cars. Now the F&F team must drive cars better than the dinosaurs to take back the island & escape.” – Linley

“A feature-length version of this (especially from 2:50 onwards):” – Chris

Meanwhile, my beloved coworker Jack ignored my request for a 1-2 sentence pitch and took it upon himself to write the entire film.

“Vin Diesel awakes one morning from a nightmare, vague memories of his childhood flashing through his mind. Family is everything to him, and yet he & his sister have no memory of where they were born. Vin presses The Rock & Jason Statham for a government contact who he vividly remembers from his dream, and ultimately uncovers that he and his sister are genetically modified human beings, with the ultimate driver DNA: ancient reptilians with a cool head & razor-sharp reflexes.

“As Dom & Mia race to uncover the mystery of their birth, they stumble upon a web of lies, deceit and driving dinosaurs that will change the world of racing forever.

“This summer, Fast & Furious: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.”

In what I can only assume is proof that none of my coworkers are able to read directions, Matt also wrote the entire script.

“FADE IN:

OVER BLACK WE HEAR THE ROAR OF A CAR ENGINE AND A MONSTERS SCREECH

VIN DIESEL (V.O) – It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile —

THE ROCK (V.O) – Daddy’s gotta go to work. — What the hell is that! Faster Faster

Off this, SKRILLEX – Bangarang feat. Sirah drops

INT. JUNGLE – NIGHT – RAINING

We hear a car engine revving.

SMASH INTO: The rock punching Dinosaurs off the back of a speeding pick up truck. The truck is being driven by Vin Diesel .

The Dinosaurs are driven back by The Rocks mighty fists. (The rocks punches land to the beat). Kevin Heart is there for some reason. Kevin is screaming uncontrollably.

FADE TO BLACK:

IAN MALCOLM (V.O) – Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

NARRATOR (V.O) – This summer, the past bites back…”

After admitting that he went overboard, Matt added this:

“I feel like there should be a scene in which Velociraptors learn to drive a car.  Then the camera cuts to Vin Diesel saying “Clever girl” and then cuts to a chase scene with Velociraptors and the protagonists in some  form of death race and shit is exploding for no reason.”

And then we’ve got Liam, who simply sent me this image with zero context:

Universal, if you need a script for this film – we’ve got you covered.