If Steam’s huge list of sex games is a gated, glistening community pool, I am the discarded, embarrassing flamingo float, doomed to skim the surface for all eternity. I make attempts to dive in — I look at each 2D succubus thumbnail carefully and determine whether or not demon porn is against my core values. I carefully consider “about” sections, which explain in didactic detail why this game’s anime girlfriend with big tits is better than that game’s anime girlfriend with big tits. I nod my head and pretend to understand where to start with all this, how to evade everything titled some variation of “Yummy Mummy Butt” and find the good stuff. But I don’t understand — I am a metaphorical pink flamingo pool floatie.
You’re metaphorically one of those foam pool noodles that dogs and babies chew on. You might be unsure of where to start with Steam’s NSFW games like me, or perhaps you’re searching for a new favourite. Maybe you’re just curious about what horny games OnlyFans’ enterprising lewd creators like to play. Well, pool noodle, you’re in luck. To get to the bottom of Steam’s infinite slutty options, I asked a few NSFW OnlyFans gamers for their NSFW recommendations and got a range of funny, pretty, X-rated titles back. We will no longer have to swim through Steam aimlessly; we now have a plan. Read on to discover it.
For a tangled time, call…
Queer developer Christine Love’s romantic comedy visual novel, Ladykiller in a Bind. You play a crossdressing lesbian on a cruise ship (sounds like my kind of Saturday) that must narrowly escape social manipulation and getting tied up in a sexy way, all to win back your motorcycle. Or just sleep with a few prepossessing women and tell yourself you tried your best.
“It almost feels stereotypical to recommend Ladykiller in a Bind, but it’s such a phenomenal adult visual novel that I just can’t pass up the opportunity to include it,” games journalist and OnlyFans girl Ana Valens said. “The basic premise: You’re a butch lesbian stuck on a cruise ship crossdressing as your brother, and you need to keep up the act and remain undetected. All the while, there’s plenty of girls who want to hook up with you, including two main women looking for some kinky fun: The Beauty, and The Stalker.”
Whichever lover you choose, the least you can do as a humble protagonist is provide, and provide well. “The BDSM scenes in this game are so hot and so queer,” Valens said. “They’re also incredibly realistic.”
UPDATE 6/9/22 2:00 p.m. EST: The game previously recommended by this slide was replaced.
For living out your fantasy, call…
Koikatsu Party, an ideal game for people who do want to see dicks, all of the dicks.
Koikatsu is an h-game, or eroge, a Japanese genre of erotic gaming. “This one is very similar to one of the most iconic h-game character creators out there, 3D Custom Girl, but it takes it up another level,” games journalist and OnlyFans girl Ana Valens said. “Koikatsu allows players to create their own girls, then play around with them in a unique sex simulator experience. You can fondle them, have oral sex, experiment doggy style or anal, so on and so forth. There’s also an additional VR mode that lets you act out sex scenes in first-person, including feeling up your custom character. Neat, right?”
But the fun doesn’t have to stop at Steam. “What I really like about Koikatsu is that it has an incredible modding community,” Valens said. “You can basically recreate girls from all sorts of anime and video games, you can further customise their features to make them really well-endowed or absolutely enormous. And yes, there’s even a pregnancy mod so you can literally breed your girls.” What a great opportunity to explore dairy alternatives at an anime girl farm.
For frisky farming (it exists), call…
Cloud Meadow, an early access game which describes itself on Steam as equal parts farming simulator, role-playing game, and visual novel, all in a filthy, steampunk way. Every day on our green Earth brings freedom to be a sick farmer freak.
The main goals of Cloud Meadow, where you play as either protagonist Evan or Eve, are to battle, breed, and farm. You can ogle fantasy species like beautiful ogres and buxom wolves, join your pals for group sex after a long round of active-turn-based combat, then go home and tend to your crops, as is a human’s natural right. Cooking, gaming, and ASMR Twitch streamer MeggyBytes, who also makes OnlyFans content, said that Cloud Meadow’s “plot is good along with the erotic scenes. It’s also really cute, which is a bonus.”
“It’s surprisingly relaxing to play and I recommend it!” she said.
If you love puzzles as much as girls, call…
HuniePop, the dating sim and puzzle game Kotaku’s Mike Fahey said had “lovely” anime women, but “deep, challenging puzzle action that’s the star of the show” in a 2015 review.
MeggyBytes also recommends HuniePop for being “a fun puzzle game kind of like Candy Crush and Bejeweled with a twist — you get to go on dates with beautiful girls, which was a win for me.”
If you haven’t tried HuniePop yet, the game lets you, a shamefully awkward single person, blossom into a babe magnet with the help of a magic fairy and your expert puzzle skills. This makes sense, as we all know women often find puzzle skills irresistibly sexy. But though the game uses difficult puzzles as the gates separating you from the hearts and bosoms of each unique woman you date, it rewards your cerebral successes with porn. A little something for everyone.
For keeping everyone happy, call…
HunieCam Studio, a “perverted” tycoon game from the same developers that made HuniePop. Your goal is to rain money down from the heavens while managing up to 18 cam girls with their own talents, needs, and branding.
“I like it because the game has a super cute art style, but it’s also challenging despite that,” BB, Twitch streamer and sex worker, said. “You have to keep up with all the girls and make sure that they stay happy in order to keep bringing in the money. Plus, the music is cute and the game is guaranteed to make you smile and giggle.”
In HunieCam Studio, sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea and syphilis are part of the mystique, as are penis-shaped trophies that reward you for all your, um, hard work in the adult entertainment industry. These are amusing details for a tongue-in-cheek game that Kotaku editor-in-chief Patricia Hernandez notes in her 2016 review to have a lot of clicking, but in the internet age, what could possibly be more erotic?
If there’s no shame in crying after sex, call…
Acting Lessons, a drama-filled adult visual novel that asks you to imagine yourself as a downtrodden cryptocurrency trader. If you can see beyond imagining such a thing, Acting Lessons provides an intense story told through masterful, sometimes pornographic 3D images. But MeggyBytes says that it’s “definitely more than just a sex game, which is what I was expecting.”
“It has a really great story with different endings,” she said. “If you want something with more emotion and really good story telling, I would go with this game.”
Acting Lessons is the release after the release, and it signals the end of your OnlyFans-approved game recommendations. Armed with them, you’re ready. You can go forth and sex, breed, and cry your way through Steam.