Pokémon GO’s Official TikTok Seems To Say The Quiet Part: People Want To Fuck Pokémon

Look, it’s not a comfortable topic. But, unafraid as we are to cover the more controversial, divisive topics at Kotaku, we think it’s time to admit it: Some Pokémon are just kinda hot. And it seems even official Pokémon companies may be willing to acknowledge this.

Now, you might be someone slightly less likely to find yourself attracted to cartoon characters, perhaps even able to deny the hawtness of Jessica Rabbit, and it’s fine — we get it, this is madness to you. Maybe you don’t want to think about people finding monsters like Gardevoir and Lucario attractive, or contemplate that the pocket monster thirst goes well beyond furry communities. But this weekend, the internet was reminded of another bizarrely attractive pocket monster, with the arrival of Pheromosa in Pokémon GO.

Pheromosa first appeared in Pokémon The Series: Sun & Moon episode 114, which was titled, “Beauty Is Only Crystal Deep!” In it, Meowth is immediately infatuated with the “Lissome Pokémon.” Its code name is “UB-02 Beauty.” The name itself evokes the word “pheromones,” or secreted chemicals that can apparently cause attraction between people.

Admittedly it’s strange to accept that a six-foot insectoid ultra beast could get people’s underpants all of a quiver. And yet…hell, that’s clearly a view shared by Pokémon GO creator Niantic itself.

This appears to have now been very clearly acknowledged via Niantic’s official Pokémon GO TikTok account, where a meme-rich video short shows a gentleman desperately panicking to tidy his apartment when Pheromosa unexpectedly shows up, as it disapprovingly shakes its head at his efforts.

There’s a rather weak effort to distance the obvious meaning of the video (he wants to fuck the Pokémon) in the text below, pretending it’s about Pheromosa’s fastidiousness. “Sources say that Pheromosa refuses to touch anything, perhaps because it senses some uncleanness in this world.” Weakest of sauce. Because this is pure sauce. The sultry music gives it all away. You wouldn’t simp this hard for a friend.

Clearly you will have your views. I can’t wait to find out what imaginary cartoon animals you want to doink, in the comments below.