After being thoroughly underwhelmed with Digimon Survive’s insufferable dialogue and bland characters, I braved the time-consuming Japanese RPG waters once again by diving headfirst into its release date competitor, Xenoblade Chronicles 3. Although I initially got into the series to ironically enjoy the painfully English slang of its characters, the joke’s now on me, as its distinctive vernacular is starting to corrupt my own.
In Xenoblade Chronicles 3 you play as Noah and his friends, child soldiers from the fictional nation of Keves, who are locked in perpetual warfare against the rival nation of Agnus. However, the grass isn’t greener for either side of this unending war, because both nations are enslaved by “flame clocks” inside giant mech bases called Ferronis that suck up life energy from fallen soldiers. To make matters worse, the propagandized youth only have 10 terms, or years, to live, which they spend feeding the energy vampire clock.
Read More: 15 Things I Wish I Knew Before Starting Xenoblade Chronicles 3
Suffice it to say, shit is dire for folks in Xenoblade Chronicles 3, and they aren’t afraid to voice their frustrations, albeit in their own colourful fantasy language. While it’s up for debate whether cockney is a made-up fantasy language that only exists in a Japanese video game, one thing is for certain: No game does propaganda for the Queen’s English better than the Xenoblade series.
If you’re in desperate need to beef up your diction with something a bit meatier, I’ve got you covered with this slang I’ve translated from Xenoblade’s pontificating protagonists into the layman’s English. An Urban Dictionary for weeb gamers, if you will. Without further ado, let’s get cracking with the Xenoblade 3 vernac-ing.
Snuff (ˈsnəf) noun–Used for emphasis, to display anger, contempt, or disgust with something or someone.
Ex. “What the snuff are you on about?”
Snuffing ( ˈsnəf-ēŋ) adjective–Used as an intensive.
Ex. “More snuffing water. Everytime we run, why do we always end up getting drenched?”
Spark (ˈspärk) noun–Used for “shit” or “fuck” interchangeably. For when “snuff” is getting too much play and you want to shake things up.
Ex. “Oh for spark’s sakes, use your snuffing words!”
Sparking (ˈspärk-ēŋ) adjective–Used as an intensive.
Ex. “It’s not because of your sparking personality.”
Queen’s wings (ˈkwēnz ˈwiŋz) exclamation–Holy shit. Holy cow. Chances are whenever you’re uttering this phrase, you’re freaking out at whatever monstrosity lies before you. Alternatively, Queen’s beans.
Ex. “Queen’s wings! We barely got out of that scuffle alive.”
Stonking (ˈstäŋk) adjective–Used as an intensive.
Ex. “What are you on about? It’s just a stonking pond.”
Mudder (muhd-er) noun–Fucker. One that fucks.
Ex. “Peng on a Levnis, this mudder does nothing by halves.”
Spoon (ˈspün) noun–A person of low intelligence. A half-wit. A nincompoop.
Ex. “Oh shut up. If you’re gonna act like a spoon, ‘course I’m gonna call you one.”
Muppet (ˈmʌpɪt) noun–A dumbass. A buffoon. Someone who laughs at their fart bubbles in the bathtub.
Ex. “You muppet! NEVER do that again!”
Innit (ˈɪnɪt) adverb–Contraction of isn’t it. True that. Basically the Queen’s English equivalent of saying “desu” in Japanese.
Ex. “Fight, struggle, they’re just words. And what’s important is not the words. It’s what you do.”“Innit.”
Read More: Surprisingly, Xenoblade Chronicles 3 Won Me Over In The First Few Hours
While one can assume playing Xenoblade Chronicles 3 in Japanese replaces exclamations like “bloody hell” with some deep-throated four-letter words, that’s not the reason why you play Xenoblade. You’re here for some sparking good clapbacks from the snuffing youth that’re breaking free from the muppet chains that bind them, innit. Truly a dub for Englanders everywhere.
Now that I’m over 24 hours into my own Xenoblade Chronicles 3 deep dive, I can’t help but conjure up its slang in my daily life. For example: Whenever my cat, Majima — whom I’m sure thinks his name is either “Cat” or “Arsehole” because he’s hard-headed — looms over me like a damn gargoyle until I shake his food bowl so the one spot he eats from no longer gives the illusion of being empty, I’m hearing the words “muppet,” “mudder,” and “spoon” roll off my tongue. Lord help me.
Aside from mourning my once-Midwestern American dialect, playing Xenoblade Chronicles 3 has been a refreshing and downright enthralling experience. Kotaku’s Ethan Gach is still in the gaming mines chopping away at snuffing dinosaurs, muppet politicians, and brainwashed child soldiers for his forthcoming review. As for me, if Xenoblade Chronicles 3 keeps up its phenomenal gameplay, gripping writing, and hilarious dialogue, it’s on course to becoming my JRPG of the year, innit.
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