Remember back in the day when our parents would tell us that the only place where we should eat is in the kitchen or the dining room, lest we wish for horrible little cockroaches to sneak into our room and kiss us on the mouth? What if you simply said, “Fuck off!”, and ate a delicious McDonald’s meal on your atrocious McDonald’s gamer chair?
Right off the bat, if you’re wondering whether or not you can get the McDonald’s Gamer Chair, the answer is NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
… Unless you live in Great Britain. To celebrate the launch of the McCrispy, which is a chicken burger, in the King’s country, McDonald’s is giving away four of these stinky thrones only to the most ultimate of gamers through a Facebook competition. While I call it a mistake, they call it the McCrispy Ultimate Gaming Chair.
As described by a press release for the McCrispy Ultimate Gaming Chair, the “amazing features” of the seat include:
- A fries holder
- A drink holder
- Two dip holders
- A hot box to keep your McCrispy warm while gaming
- A built-in napkin holder and two reusable napkins with McCrispy branding
- A stain-proof leather treatment so you can enjoy your McCrispy in peace
- Modular armrests to allow users to swap their McCrispy to different sides
Unfortunately, it does NOT include a loved one to tell you to reconsider eating McDonald’s while gaming.
If you like this chair, that’s fine. You’re allowed to like it. I, personally, think it is an abomination. Getting McDonald’s stench out of literally anything is a mission in itself. The stink of a delicious cheap meal makes an effort to stay with you for as long as it can. At what point will the owner of the McChair simply give up? Be consumed by the smell? Become the McDonalds? It’s scary to think about.
Take this into consideration: What if you died? Sorry, but hear me out. What if you died while gaming in your McCrispy Ultimate Gaming Chair with fries on one side and a McCrispy on the other? How would you feel being found sitting like that? Would your body still be warm from the McCrispy hot box, or would it not pass on to your body? Is it not haunting to think of the possibility of a McCrispy sitting beside your cold, lifeless body, still warm and ready to eat?
It chills me to my core to think about it. I’m so scared right now. I’m also hungry. Hungry for a Bacon and Egg McMuffin specifically.
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