If Harry Potter Were About DOTA 2

“Harry, yer a DOTA player.” Former Team Liquid admin Ken “Hot_Bid” Chen and Mark “SirJolt” McEntegart are Kickstarting their eSports satire publication in an attempt to turn it into a full-time job.

Among many samples of their work is a chunk of the first Harry Potter book rewritten to be about DOTA 2, which they will rewrite even more of if they hit their $US15,000 stretch goal. It’s littered with in-jokes, but the comedy’s absurd and broadly appealing enough that I think anyone will get a good laugh or two out of it.

Here’s a sample:

Harry said quietly, “I think you must have made a mistake. I don’t think I can be a Dota player.”

To his surprise, the giant chuckled.

“Not a Dota player, eh? Never felt different when you were angry?”

Harry looked into the fire. Now he came to think about it… when he, Harry, had been upset or angry… he had an uncontrollable urge to yell and insult people, to blame others for his shortcomings, to complain about luck and balance.

Harry looked back at Mike, smiling, and saw that Mike was positively beaming at him.

“See?” he said. “You’ll fit right in at Fogwards.”

And here’s another:

Mike rolled up the note, gave it to the owl, which clamped it in its beak, and threw the owl out into the storm. A moment passed, and they heard a loud THUMP of the bird hitting the ground.

“You’ve killed him!!” cried Harry.

“Oh shit I forgot to upgrade it,” said Mike.

An ambient voice boomed.

“RADIANT’S COURIER HAS BEEN KILLED.”

Uncle Vernon jerked up. “Who said that??”

Mike looked distraught. “Fuck, now we have to wait another two minutes.”

It’s pretty silly. Read through the full thing here. Oh, and for the record, Voldemort is a StarCraft 2 pro. The more you know.