AU Diary: Being The Kotaku Rookie

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5:00PM September 3, 2009 | Tracey Lien

princesscrying

So now is probably a good time for me to introduce myself. My name is Tracey and I’m the Kotaku intern.

I’m sure there are some of you who are interested to know what it’s like working for Kotaku. Surely everyone on the team gets to play video games all day, right? And surely there’s an endless supply of pizza, ice-cream and beer in the office to keep us going while we write hourly posts, yes? Well, that’s what I thought when I first arrived at Kotaku’s doorstep. But as the log below illustrates, I thought wrong.

9am – Arrive at Kotaku’s office to find that someone has placed a male blow-up doll in my seat. Am told he/it is a valuable member of the team and that I must respect it at all times.
10am – Am ordered to fetch David Wildgoose coffee from the local café. Accidentally order a flat white with one sugar as opposed to a flat white with no sugar. Angered, David spills said coffee all over my chair.
11am – Approve reader comments and filter through US posts. Knees are in pain from kneeling at desk while chair is outside, drying.
12pm – Go to lunch on the balcony. Kotaku team think it’s funny to lock me out there for an hour.
1pm – Return to desk, slightly sunburnt (and one step closer to skin cancer). Chair has dried (hooray!). Begin writing posts. David orders another coffee. This time there is no sugar, but I order the wrong size. Angered, David spills said coffee on my chair.
2pm – Am ordered to mail out Sacred 2 prizes. There are no envelopes or stamps, nor is there a mailing budget. IT guy suggests that I hand-deliver the prizes. Everyone agrees that this is a good idea. I object. As punishment, I am locked out in the stairwell for an hour.
3pm – Return to desk, continue writing, but my mouse has been glued to the mouse pad.
4pm – Finally complete a series of posts and feel proud of self, but am reprimanded for ruining the mouse pad in the process of peeling mouse off said pad.
5pm – Day has ended and knees are bleeding. Am told that things get seedy in Darlinghurst after dark, so if I want to avoid the pimps, prostitutes, drugs, and junkies, I better make a run for the train station. Will proceed to do that right now.

CAN’T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK.

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Comments

  • Blah2

    September 3, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    Hi, I’m a lawyer.
    I advise you to see a torts law solicitor and sue for all it’s worth :P

  • Chris Barns

    September 3, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    HA HA HA, Sucko!!!

  • Captain Pajama Shark

    September 3, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    Crucifixion’s a doddle!

  • GaaaaaH

    September 3, 2009 at 5:19 PM

    Is the blow up doll OK?

    David didn’t burn him with coffee did he?

  • Retro

    September 3, 2009 at 5:24 PM

    Wildgoose, you drink way too much coffee. Your hands must be shaking like crazy judging by the way you’re spilling it everywhere.

  • Simon

    September 3, 2009 at 5:27 PM

    Yay for Tracey, I look forward to more of your posts.

  • Daniel

    September 3, 2009 at 5:44 PM

    A little first (err second) day hazing never hurt anyone. :P

  • Marowi

    September 3, 2009 at 6:02 PM

    This is the best post I have ever seen on Kotaku AU.

  • Larfin_Man

    September 3, 2009 at 6:48 PM

    Sounds like you should get together with your fans and make an elaborate revenge prank

  • CJ

    September 3, 2009 at 7:18 PM

    heh all this time i thought it was just done from the comfort of everyones homes idk why

    • Elly Hart

      September 3, 2009 at 8:09 PM

      I think it used to be to some extent, but that was before they hired me. Now, everyone’s gotta chop-chop it to the office.

      “And surely there’s an endless supply of pizza, ice-cream and beer in the office to keep us going while we write hourly posts, yes?”

      Let’s do it! There’s a freezer in the office so it’s totally doable. I’ll bring the ice-cream and vodka.

      • Tracey Lien

        September 3, 2009 at 8:38 PM

        And there’s a microwave for us to heat up PIZZA POCKETS! :D

      • Ben Abraham

        September 4, 2009 at 12:33 AM

        Tracey Lien did not even know what Pizza Pockets were UNTIL I TOLD HER ABOUT THEM. Lets all point and laugh.

    • Mr Waffle

      September 3, 2009 at 9:05 PM

      I assumed it as all home-based too. I mean, it’s all on the interbuts, why would you need an office for that? CONFUSED.

  • Aaron K

    September 3, 2009 at 8:20 PM

    Should get a new chair, could stick up.

  • fORS4kEN

    September 3, 2009 at 8:34 PM

    Tracey, you should show off your awesomeness and see if you can organize some wicked comp for Scribblenauts… Imagine being stuck in solid steel box in the middle of the desert with only a table. How would you get out?. Clearly the solution is type axe, with the axe you split the table in half. We all know two halves make a hole. So use the hole to escape from the box. Then you would type party. And at the raving party you would scream your voice horse. The simply ride that horse to the nearest oasis :D. Problem solved.

    What do you think? :P

    • Tracey Lien

      September 3, 2009 at 9:07 PM

      Unfortunately, as an intern I’m only good for being locked out of the building! :P But yes, Mr. Wildgoose should totally get a Scribblenauts promo running. *hint*hint* David.

  • Alex

    September 3, 2009 at 8:37 PM

    i wonder if david will ever get so sick of the interns getting the coffee’s wrong that he’ll pour it on their face and stab them with a pen.

    Speculate all you want but I’m not crazy, just a bit twisted.

    • Dean Longmore

      September 3, 2009 at 8:56 PM

      Just a bit lame. And I bet you’ve never even seen someone stabbed with a pen. Not nearly as cool as you’d expect.

      • Alex

        September 3, 2009 at 10:01 PM

        mmm looking back at the comment now it does seem stupid and silly

  • Michelle Tarpey

    September 3, 2009 at 10:07 PM

    Man, David’s such a diva! :\

    Also: Welcome to Kotaku, Tracey! :D

  • chuie

    September 3, 2009 at 11:49 PM

    Oh wow Hyper, Kotaku AND Good Game.. did you like that reply I made in Hyper last month? =P

    • Tracey Lien

      September 3, 2009 at 11:59 PM

      Was that the Pokémon-related letter? I remember most of the letters but am terrible with putting names to any of them!

      • chuie

        September 4, 2009 at 11:15 AM

        Yep that’s the one, I replied to it again for your enjoyment! =)

  • mambodog

    September 4, 2009 at 12:14 AM

    Gee, that sounds like a rough day, but I think we both know you deserved that thing with the coffee…

  • Maxie

    September 4, 2009 at 2:56 AM

    If you think that’s rough you should’ve heard what David did to the last intern. We don’t talk about *that* intern anymore.

  • Ryno

    September 4, 2009 at 6:21 AM

    sounds like kotaku intern is the same as trade apprentice, dont forget to go buy David his left handed Wiimote and wireless network cables

  • HotDamn!

    September 4, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    Does your new inflatable friend have a name?

  • Cav

    September 4, 2009 at 10:06 AM

    Is working from home an option?

  • lei hu

    September 4, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    Hi Tracey!

    Tell Sid to give me back my 360 controller!

    • Tracey Lien

      September 5, 2009 at 8:58 AM

      NEVAR!!!

      I mean, okay, I will let him know.

    • Sidney Lien

      September 7, 2009 at 12:34 PM

      God invented SMS and email for a reason ya know -_-, no need to ask my sis to tell me (for the record, she hasn’t yet)

  • Sabmac

    September 5, 2009 at 2:05 AM

    Hur hur, you’s a gurl.

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