So now is probably a good time for me to introduce myself. My name is Tracey and I’m the Kotaku intern.
I’m sure there are some of you who are interested to know what it’s like working for Kotaku. Surely everyone on the team gets to play video games all day, right? And surely there’s an endless supply of pizza, ice-cream and beer in the office to keep us going while we write hourly posts, yes? Well, that’s what I thought when I first arrived at Kotaku’s doorstep. But as the log below illustrates, I thought wrong.
9am – Arrive at Kotaku’s office to find that someone has placed a male blow-up doll in my seat. Am told he/it is a valuable member of the team and that I must respect it at all times.
10am – Am ordered to fetch David Wildgoose coffee from the local café. Accidentally order a flat white with one sugar as opposed to a flat white with no sugar. Angered, David spills said coffee all over my chair.
11am – Approve reader comments and filter through US posts. Knees are in pain from kneeling at desk while chair is outside, drying.
12pm – Go to lunch on the balcony. Kotaku team think it’s funny to lock me out there for an hour.
1pm – Return to desk, slightly sunburnt (and one step closer to skin cancer). Chair has dried (hooray!). Begin writing posts. David orders another coffee. This time there is no sugar, but I order the wrong size. Angered, David spills said coffee on my chair.
2pm – Am ordered to mail out Sacred 2 prizes. There are no envelopes or stamps, nor is there a mailing budget. IT guy suggests that I hand-deliver the prizes. Everyone agrees that this is a good idea. I object. As punishment, I am locked out in the stairwell for an hour.
3pm – Return to desk, continue writing, but my mouse has been glued to the mouse pad.
4pm – Finally complete a series of posts and feel proud of self, but am reprimanded for ruining the mouse pad in the process of peeling mouse off said pad.
5pm – Day has ended and knees are bleeding. Am told that things get seedy in Darlinghurst after dark, so if I want to avoid the pimps, prostitutes, drugs, and junkies, I better make a run for the train station. Will proceed to do that right now.
CAN’T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK.