Backhanded Box Quotes: 'I'd Rather Be Sodomised'

Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes", a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal. This week, Backhanded Box Quotes could have given over the entire feature to the fanboy backlash against Mass Effect 3. There are many day-one complaints against the space-opera RPG below, and also some scorn reserved for Street Fighter X Tekken. Enjoy.

Mass Effect 3

Released: March 6 Critic: NEWater (Metacritic).

"If someone gave me a choice between getting raped in the rectum by a priest and playing this game again, I'd rather be sodomised."

Score: 0

Critic: MajestyLOL (Metacritic).

"This feels like a game made for that annoying 12-year old that I play Halo 3 online with." (PC version)

"I can not believe that Bioware gets away with this. Sell-outs." (Xbox 360 version)

"In stead of trying to make a good game for the RPG-fans, Bioware has lowered themselves to the level of Infinity Ward." (PS3 version)

Score: 0 (all three versions. All three reviews written day of release.)

Critic: biowareisdead (Metacritic).

"I register this account just to express my disappointment in Bioware."

Score: 0

Critic: PenIsMighty (Metacritic).

"Do Bioware really need a 10 minute homosexual love scene in the intro? As an adult I could understand, if not accept, what was happening to my character, but will the younger generation? My prediction is that, like my Shephard, they will be pretty butt hurt."

Score: 0

Critic: RedxLeader (Metacritic).

"I am generally morally opposed to writing reviews for games I haven't even played, but it's OK this time because I have played ME1&2."

Score: 0

Street Fighter X Tekken

Released: March 6.

Critic: TheChecker (Metacritic)

"ON-DISC DLC CHARACTERS THAT ARE BASICALLY COMPLETE SAVE FOR SOUNDS (EVEN THE **** CGI ENDING MOVIES ARE FINISHED)"

• "FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CLAIMS THAT THE XBOX 360 VERSION GOT PAIR PLAY FEATURE"

"Capcom can go drown in the DLC abyss they seem to have fallen in mad love with."

Score: 0

Critic: lmarshalljr04

• "It is truly sad and pathetic that Capcom would this low.."

•"Wait for Super"

Score: 0


Comments

    OK i know how to fix this. We need to join a group call it kotaku and follow the trends in gaming and then shove it up your ass.

      /stanley for those who think im cereal,

        hahaha. *butt

    There's a 10 minute homosexual love scene in the intro of ME3? Damn, can't believe I missed it. I was erect and everything.

      Shit Matthew now you have me erect.....Want to help me put out this fire?

        Oh come on.......

          can I join in?

            Can we keep it PG please. WHY WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

              They all died in horrible Reaper lasers and bad writing

      Say it's femshep, watch sales soar.

        BioWare: there'll be a legit lesbian love scene between Femshep and a human, none of this copout Asari monogender crap.
        Boy Fans: HOT. *makes fanart, faps*
        Girl fans: Meh, whatever.
        Religious people/Fox News: *completely under radar*

        BioWare: There's be a gay love scene between Manshep and another dude.
        Boy fans: Eww. I'm 12 and what is this.
        Girl fans: Meh, whatever (or alternatively: HOT. *makes fanart, shlicks*
        Religious people/Fox News: BIOWARE IS PUSHING A GAY AGENDA. CONDEMN. CONDEMN.

    I don't like too much political messages put into video games especially a 10minute one, it's just a pain in the ass.

    I have this tub of baby oil just sitting here...

    Don't like it, don't play it. But you don't need to be a dick about it.

    The internet would do well to learn this.

      I think the point here is that they bought it and feel ripped off (SFxT) and let down (ME3) bpth of which are legit beefs. As for the priest sodomy... well.

    Man it sure is fun to bash people who can't defend themselves to get attention...

    Seriously, Owen resorts to this kind of shit to get attention? Nobody cares, write up an article that will enlighten people instead of having a nice bash at idiots on the internet.

      As far as I can tell this is all Owen is good at.
      Wait sorry... that implied he's good at it.

    So is bashing Kotaku the new "in thing" it take it? So does this mean I should
    start saying nasty things about them now, or should I wait till latter?

    Hold on, let me have a go at this. ....ahemm hem.
    This has nothing to do with gaming, though it does, and should be shown to all that this is poor writing (stop me if I get this wrong guys) and, and....stuff!

    There, how did I do?

    To be fair, I utterly loathed all three endings I had available to me in ME3. Since it all depends on whether or not you destroyed or kept the Collector base in ME2, it makes me wonder what the other three are like. But from reading online, they aren't much different at all.

    They all sucked.

    Shut the #### up Owen. Stop defend this asinine bull honky.

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