App Review: My New Girlfriend Is A Space Pirate

App Review: My New Girlfriend Is A Space Pirate
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I think what I love most about Sela the Space Pirate is her unwavering courage in the face of overwhelming odds. She masks it as madness — she’s so good at masking it’s scary — but when your life is nothing but manoeuvring your finger-guided, auto-firing starship through level-after-level of evil(-ish) aliens and the accompanying bullets, you just gotta laugh.

I laughed quite a bit while playing through Sela’s game, the latest mobile offering from Flying Hamster creators The Game Atelier. Each of the game’s 30 levels begins with a bit of witty banter between my lady and her robotic first mate. She adorably starts an interstellar war with a group of aliens after destroying their hive in search of coins; he wishes he were never activated. It’s sweet. I’d be jealous if I weren’t so confident of her dedication.

Her world is a casual-leaning bullet hell shooter, the screen getting busy with projectiles but never really overwhelming the player. And it’s no wonder she’s crazy for coins — every alien or asteroid she downs explodes in a shower of coins, used to upgrade her ship’s weapons, armour, or ability to attract more coins. It’s a vicious, addictive cycle.

As with any relationship, ours has its ups and downs. Her 30 level struggle never presents any real challenge, certainly not one that can’t be overcome by grinding coins from earlier stages. Her first mate’s frequent frivolous warnings (you’re about to die, wahhhh) pop up in the middle of the screen during gameplay, often making a bad situation even worse.

And she kills space bunnies — space bunny police, to be exact. I don’t know if that’s a transgression I can bring myself to overlook.

She totally sent me this picture over Facebook.

I guess what I am trying to say is I’m not sure our love will last — we’ve only 30 levels to choose from, and those seem to just fly by. Still, though my relationship Sela the Space Pirate might be short-lived (especially when my wife finds out), I will always treasure the time we spent together. Take it away, Peter Cetera.

Sela the Space Pirate

Genre: shooter
Developer: The Game Atelier
Platform: iOS, Android
Price: $1.99 (iOS), $2.40 (Android)
Get Sela the Space Pirate on the iTunes App Store
Get Sela the Space Pirate on Google Play

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