The Classification Labels We Wish Were On Video Games

Image: iStock

Mature content? That’s all well and good, but what if the game is a bad port? What if it launches straight into microtransactions? What if it’s a sequel with over 60% copypasta? We thought it best to inform the Classification Board of the labels gamers really want to see.

You might not know that the Classification Board has a tool that lets you create your own classification labels, allowing anyone to warn anyone else of a particular kind of content. It seems like a great tool to make available to the public — and one we absolutely had to have some fun with.

Enjoy!

Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU
Image: Kotaku AU

Which labels would you create?


Comments

    I can feel my blood pressure rising just reading this. Nice job lol

    Forgot one of the most important warnings: BS - Bullet Sponges.

    DLC: Game is an unfinished state and will require you to purchase outstanding portion of product.

      Do we need such a tag? That seems to be the norm now, much to our detriment.

        Perhaps for the more egregious examples, like Watch Dogs 2.

          I was thinking of Steam games in general. Doom and Fallout 4 now require 30+ gigabytes to install but if you buy the physical PC copy, there is only a DVD with the first 6-8 gigabytes.

          Even if I have the NBN, I expect the whole game in the box if I physically buy it.

            That's been painful. I average around 150kb/s down so the last few games I've bought have taken 2-3 days to download. Definitely worth a warning sticker, certainly more than "this game requires an internet connection" in tiny text with the system requirements.

              DL 30+ - "Core game content requires download, all 30+ gigabytes at your own cost."

          What's missing from Watch Dogs 2? I finished it and never bought any DLC, the game felt pretty complete to me.

            On release, the "seamless multiplayer" they had been advertising as a seemingly core part of the game wasn't ready. It was patched in not long after release, so in the end it's not too much of a headache.

              But that wasn't something you needed to pay extra for. Leaving advertised features to be implemented in a title update is a shitty move, but it beats having them sold to you afterwards.

      This should also cover games that despite coming in a physical medium, is just a shelf placeholder and requires you to download it anyway.

        SO over that. When you get home from work with a new game and have to wait until after work the next day to play it.

    I now expect to see classification labels like these slapped onto every Kotaku review from this point forwards...

      This has been mentioned in the office and I will be pushing for it during the remainder of the week, haha

    I was once ridiculed on a train by two non-gamer friends back in the mid-1990s when I ran into them after buying Under a Killing Moon. They laughed because the game had a big old-fashioned rating sticker on it:

    G 8+ / Adult Themes

    That's right. The game was suitable only for people 8 years and older due to the adult themes.

    It was a different time.

    Last edited 02/05/17 12:37 pm

    HTTM - Warning: This content has been hyped to the max.

    "Warning - contains cringey sex scenes that you should be ashamed of watching"

    C - "Must still have a inner child to enjoy this game."

    :-P

    Think there should be game warnings for things not inside the game...

    DMCA+ - Bots will automatically force a DMCA takedown on any picture, video or stream posted online within 60 seconds.

    "Dev-Ill" - Developer is highly "ill"ogical and may be unwell due to lack of sleep and development rushes. May be risk of bursting into uncontrolled reaction after seeing a negative comment about their game online. May result in outburst insulting fans, game critics or everyone on twitter at a moments notice. May result in them quitting game developing all together, or just threaten to sue everyone. (see Lawless)

    "Lawless" - Developer cant afford a lawyer and represents themselves in all legal matters including writing their own end-user agreements and terms of service (ToS). Has no concept of copyright, trademark or fair use. Will threaten litigation at a moments notice cause they wrote "You Cant Hate Game or I sue you for 1 gazillion dollars" in the thing no one ever reads and doesnt stand up in a court of law.

    MetaGod - Warning: If the metacritic score drops below an undisclosed threshold, feral fans will attack. The target of their anger will most likely be the developers, but may be misguided and result in attacks on other game owners, fans, journalists, youtubers or a select individual that had nothing to do with the games poor design or performance.

    HolyDev - The developer is infallible in the eyes of fans. Every game is perfect, the one true god has delivered upon to you this holy relic and you will cherish it and not speak ill of it. The HolyDev will be forgiven instantly for buggy code, server issues, overpriced DLC or re-releasing the same game for the 20th time.

    AusTax - All game prices in your region are set by a greedy publisher that have unfair market monopoly and adjust prices due to unsubstantiated reasons that are not relevant to either import costs, digital distribution, or exchange rates.

    FC - Forced Censorship - the Aus Gov has deemed that portions of this game were unfit for consumption by adult citizens, who obviously can't decern reality from the image on the screen in front of them. The developers have been forced to strip those portions from the Aus release.

    TT - The developer of this game is known for throwing Temper Tantrums, up to and including legal action, over any criticism of the game.

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