Look, we get that it’s immature. We appreciate that a better site would rise above it. But we’re not that site, and we can’t not say it. Miraidon, one of the legendary Pokémon revealed in today’s Pokémon Scarlet and Violet announcement, looks like a very fancy penis.
Now, obviously people are wont to identify phallic shapes in all manner of objects, from skyscrapers to amusingly-shaped rocks found on the beach, and to the penis-shaped hammer, everything looks like a dick-shaped nail. But there’s a point where this changes, a line across which, once stepped, there’s no not saying it. Miraidon, the legendary Pokémon exclusive to Pokémon Violet, crosses the Rubicon. How can I put this delicately? The creature has balls.
Now, admittedly were someone’s member to be precisely the priapic shape of Miraidon in the pictures seen so far, it’d certainly be a sign of a nasty case of Peyronie’s disease. But, look, you see it too. Stop pretending you don’t.
Again, yes, you could argue that few people’s testicles feature what appear to be jetpacks, and those that do tend to keep this very quiet. And sure, I’m not going to deny it’s rare (and terrifying) to see a pair of arms poking out the side of a human phallus. The tail: that’s your call.
But no, sorry, I’ll take no disagreement about this. We all have to face facts that Game Freak just revealed their first cock-et monster, and it’s just going to look like that when the game comes out too.
I mean, I’ll certainly be buying Violet now, over Scarlet, and I’m grateful for that usually frustrating decision to have been made so easily. And I will giggle every time I see it, even from the angles where it looks more like a motorbike. Because I’ll know. Miraidong, amirite?