If you’re deep in a gaming session, there’s always the possibility that you’re a little bit peckish. You probably need some food.
Picture this: You’re sitting in your gamer chair, at your gamer desk. You have on your gamer headset and one of your gamer hands is on your gamer keyboard. The other gamer hand? That’s on your gamer mouse. Your gamer eyes are stuck to your gamer monitor.
Are you watching The Princess Bride for the fourth time in a row? Of course not. You’re gaming.
Playing games can be physically toiling and if you don’t have the right fuel you might just die. While it’s all well and good to get up and go have something to eat, that’s simply not an option for many gamers. You must have your gamer food and gamer drink at the ready.
There are plenty of gamer foods and drinks that are vital to the wild gamer. On the other hand, there are also many foods and drinks that you should NOT consume while you are gaming, unless you are looking for a mess!
Alas, I am here to traverse through the Gamer Foods, the Gamer FooDon’ts, the Gamer Drinks, and the Gamer DrinCannots. I do this so you know what consumables are A-OK to put in your silly body while you’re balls deep in an hours-long session of My Friend Peppa Pig, and what consumables will result in your days-long session of Scary Baby In Horror House being met with great, great sorrow.
Gamer Food: Dorito
We all know that Doritos are the gamer food of choice. The gamers hunger and their hunger can only be satisfied with the blessed triangular corn chip.
The accessibility of the Dorito chip is essential while gaming. The crunch is rewarding. The dust may linger on one’s fingers but that’s what your sweatpants are for.
Pictured above is a Doritos truck accelerating at full speed to make a very important delivery to a starving gamer, hungry for the one snack that will please them.
DEFINITELY a gamer food.
Gamer Foo-Don’t: A Hearty Handful of Spaghetti Bolognese
Spaghetti bolognese is a delicious meal. Truly scrumptious. A staple in every diet. The Italians really had the right idea when they decided to drop this banger.
However, it is a terrible and messy idea to eat hearty handfuls of spaghetti bolognese while you are gaming. You will get the spaghetti bolognese all over your gaming tools, rendering them very oily.
They may smell like a gourmet Italian restaurant now, but they will not in a few hours’ time. Nonna highly recommends against this. NOT a gamer food.
Gamer Drink: Water
You need water to live, we all do. Gamers are no different, they also need to drink water.
Have you had some water today? If you have, great! If you haven’t, go have some water. Your tummy will grow a human face, smile up at you and say, “Thank you so much!”
This isn’t just a gamer drink, this is an everyone drink. But most importantly, this is a gamer drink.
Gamer Drin-Cannot: Boiling Hot Glass Of Milk
There are many reasons why you should not drink a boiling hot glass of milk while you are gaming. Firstly, yuck!
If you drink this boiling hot glass of milk while invested in a session of Euro Truck Simulator you might burn your gamer hand, which you need for gaming. If it burns your tongue, you may spit it out at your gamer monitor, leaving the trucks on the screen a hot milky mess.
While I personally recommend drinking a lone glass of milk while gaming, I say with absolute confidence that a boiling hot glass of milk is NOT a gamer drink.
Gamer Food: Pizza
Ah yes, the delicious ‘za. This is an Italian meal that IS perfect for gaming.
The circular delight known as ‘The Pizza’ is the perfect gamer food. You can hold it in one hand so the other hand can shoot the bad guy in the video game. It’s got all the foods you need on it for a well-rounded diet: bread, tomato, cheese and other stuff.
This is 100% a gamer food, both in the sense that you can eat it in a group with your other gamer friends, or all by yourself as a lonesome gamer.
Gamer Foo-Don’t: Fresh Eggs From An Irate Mother Emu
This is a big no-no.
Why are you here in outback Australia? Your gaming PC is at home, waiting for you to play Frozen Elsa Brain Surgery on it! You’re hungry, and you’re looking for a gamer snack? Well, this is NOT the place to look.
If you even THINK about going near this new mother’s big blue eggs, you will be in for the fight of your life. Not only are fresh emu eggs not accessible at all, but you will be met with a VERY ANGRY mother emu, set on protecting her eggs. She will show you no mercy.
Absolutely not a gamer food.
Gamer Drink: Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew is the drink for gamers, if reading words on the internet is anything to go by.
From what I’ve seen, a can of Mountain Dew goes great with a Dorito corn chip and hey, maybe even a pizza slice. While you are playing Super Mario Goes To Law School, a sip of this refreshing green concoction will give you the energy you need to get that degree.
This is historically the most gamer drink to exist.
Gamer Drin-Cannot: Generous Pint Of A Bog Witch’s Brew
Oh nay, this is not a drinketh thee wisheth to englut while gaming!
While it may behold liketh Mountain Brew, this naughty concoction brew’d by the wretch’d bog beldams shall only bringeth thee woes. If ‘t be true thee taketh one sipeth of this brew, thee shall findeth yourself writhing in teen, only to becometh a slimy toad in an instant!
Alas, if ‘t be true a quite quaint princess lays a kisseth on thy headeth, thee shall beest did cure. Howev’r, this may proveth sore if ‘t be true thou art gaming.
Forsooth not a gam’r drinketh.
What are some foods and drinks you like to down when you’re playing games? Better yet, what are some foods and drinks you think are absolutely not meant to be consumed while gaming? Let us know!