Being a dad is hard. One day, your kid is just a little baby guy. So small, the size of a small rock or pebble even. Then one day, out of absolutely nowhere, your sweet little baby boy is brutally beating the living shit out of some big ugly guy called Grendel. It’s just a part of life, at least I think it is based on what I’ve learned about being a father from God of War Ragnarök.
I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be a father. Sure, I could ask my own father what it’s like, or even any father friends of mine that have children, but what good would that do me? Why would I talk to another living being in my real life when I could learn all my life lessons and morals from a big angry 3D guy on my television? I’m very well-adjusted, by the way.
As well as becoming a wilderness photographer, I’ve used my time playing God of War Ragnarök in yet another way that has little to do with playing the game: learning about the trials and tribulations of fatherhood. Here’s what I’ve learned.
(While this post is purely in jest, there might be references here and there that are loosely related to the story of God of War Ragnarök. If you don’t want any spoilers at ALL, this might not be the goof for you!)
Being buff is optional, but recommended
If you’re going to be a father, you better start going to the gym as soon as possible. At least that’s what I gathered from Kratos as a father. The guy is jacked as hell, and I can only assume that it counts towards something when it comes to being a papa. If you’re muscly as hell and can lift heavy shit up like it’s nothing, then surely your son has no choice but to respect you. Right? Sure.
If your kid asks you questions, just ignore them
Einstein the genius man once said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning.” Kids do this all the time, and I’ve learnt from Kratos in God of War Ragnarök that when your curious little part-Giant child starts asking the hard questions, the best thing to do is just not answer. Better yet, grunt at them or answer in a completely vague way or with a misdirection. What’s the worst that could happen, your child gets tired of not having their questions answered and runs off on their own journey? That would never happen.
Be very afraid of your child’s changing body
Puberty’s a real drag, isn’t it? When kids hit puberty, all their shit gets fucked up. They start sounding weird, looking weird, and their emotions are all over the place. They become real beasts. What I’ve learned from God of War Ragnarök is that when your kids start to hit puberty and notice changes in themselves, the best thing to do as a father is to be scared of them. Look at them like they’re a monster, and tell them to simply stop doing it. It’ll definitely work!
Patting a dog will help you bond with your child
Your kid loves dogs. No doubt about it. Dogs as a whole are a huge part of your kid’s whole shtick. That’s just how it is. If you pat a dog that your kid likes, there is a solid chance that the bond between you will grow stronger, and you will completely understand your child in every way. You will stop for a moment and think, “I understand why my son, who can talk to animals, loves dogs so much. It feels nice to pat them on the head and be their friend.” Do this, and it’ll open up a third eye type of thing.
Now I’m not a father yet, or even a mother. However, I’ve learned so much from God of War Ragnarök that I think if the challenge of being a father were presented to me, I would definitely be able to figure it out. I believe with these tips, any person would be fully equipped to raise a child that’s part-Giant and also a God.
Or maybe, just maybe, being a parent is all about making necessary mistakes and learning from it along the way in order to create a closer bond with your child, and knowing when to own up to your mistakes. Or maybe it is genuinely about being really, really buff. Who knows!
God of War Ragnarök is available now for PlayStation 4 and PlayStation 5.
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