Here’s How I Think Nintendo Should Celebrate Mario Day

Here’s How I Think Nintendo Should Celebrate Mario Day

We’re coming close to March 10th, which has been coined ‘Mario Day’ due to the first three letters of Mario and the number 10 put together looks like Mario. But will Nintendo celebrate it right?

It’s only a week away, and currently nothing of note has been announced for Australian fans of the Italian man. American Nintendo fans are set to receive a special Mario Nintendo Switch bundle that comes with the choice of three Mario games: Super Mario Odyssey, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, or Super Mario Bros Deluxe U. On top of that, a myriad of Mario games are going on sale on the eShop, but that’s not for us!

I thought I might be able to help Nintendo out by casting a few of my own ideas for Mario Day in Australia. Of course, these are simply ideas, and Nintendo doesn’t have to take them on. However, if they do decide to do any of these ideas, all I ask is that they give me a bazillion dollars and a cool hat with my name on it.

Change it to Wario Day

Image: Nintendo / Kotaku Australia

We’ve had Mario Day every damn year. Hell, we even had a Year of Luigi. Now it’s time for this perky little chode to get his time in the spotlight. Wario is in desperate need of some attention from Nintendo, so I believe that having a special day for him would be perfect. You may be thinking, “But it’s called Mario Day due to the first three letters of Mario and the number 10 put together looks like Mario?!”

Hear me out. It’s Warch now.

Release the Jack Black Nut Cut

mario day
Image: NBC

Today saw the arrival of multiple cast members from The Super Mario Bros Movie at the Kelly Clarkson show. Considering it’s a morning show and seeing dick and balls before midday can give you brain damage, the folks working behind the scenes ultimately decided to blur Jack Black a.k.a Bowser’s crotch when he jumped out onto the stage and went a little goofy. Supposedly there was too much action going on.

I think they should release the unedited version on March 10th, and I specifically think they should do it smack bang in the middle of the final trailer for the movie, which is being revealed in a Nintendo Direct. Why? I think it would be funny. Next!

Shadow drop Mario Teaches Typing 3

Image: Interplay Entertainment

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not actually typing right now. Instead, I am screaming these words as loudly as I can into a microphone, and they are being put into the computer. Every time my microphone picks up the wrong word, I have to say ‘RESET’ and start from scratch. Sadly, sometimes it malfunctions andd RESET RESET RESET RESET RESET RESET god damnit RESET RESET RESET alright never mind.

I do this because I don’t know how to type, and there are many others like me. Releasing Mario Teaches Typing 3 on March 10th would be a nice surprise and a welcome addition to the Nintendo Switch for many pepple RESET RESET RESET

Send Mario to jail

mario day
Image: Nintendo

Mario regularly partakes in violence against animals such as the humble turtle and the sentient mushroom. Sure, they are ugly, but that is no excuse to hurt them. Considering Mario has been sent to jail before purely on the grounds of an alleged case of graffiti (which was a confirmed case of mistaken identity), I think law enforcement should maybe focus on the more serious stuff.

Sadly, I doubt this one will ever happen as Mario knows many secrets of Nintendo that they wouldn’t want getting out, such ash RESET RESET RESET RESET RESET RESET RESET.

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