What Your Favourite Pokémon Game Says About You: Brutal Callout Edition

Everyone’s got a favourite Pokémon game. Whether it’s one of the mainline RPGs where you catch ‘em all and become champion, or one of the spin-offs that show new sides of the world and people’s relationship to the titular Pocket Monsters, the series has given people a lot of different ways to inhabit its huge world. But what kind of person says Pokémon Snap is their favourite, or will die on the hill that Ruby and Sapphire were peak Pokémon? We’re gonna go through all of them. This is what your favourite Pokémon game says about you.

Pokémon Red and Blue (or their remakes)

Any time someone brings up the new games, you’re the first one to start arguing that they don’t design Pokémon like they used to, referring of course to classics like “bird” and “worms.” You’ve made a whole routine out of asking what that new one even is, ice cream? But you know exactly what it’s called now, don’t you?

Pokémon Yellow

You started Pokémon with the anime.

Pokémon Gold and Silver (or their remakes)

Your grandparents bought you this for Christmas, and you haven’t stopped talking about it since.

Pokémon Pinball

You finished Tears of the Kingdom’s Mayachin Shrine in one go.

Hey You, Pikachu!

You’re on a Discord call with friends you’ve never met in person every night.

Pokémon Stadium

You never owned a Mario Party growing up.

Pokémon Trading Card Game

You play Magic: The Gathering now.

Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire (or their remakes)

You don’t believe in climate change.

Pokémon Dash

You do not exist. This is no one’s favourite.

Pokémon Puzzle League

You were disappointed when the Tetris movie was about business and not blocks.

Pokémon Diamond and Pearl (or their remakes)

You have been simping for Cynthia since 2006.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon

Your favourite anime episode is the one they did to promote this game and you’ve been searching for that high ever since.

Pokémon Snap series

You either are a great Instagram boyfriend or desperately wish you were.

Pokémon Ranger

The scene in Everything Everywhere All At Once where Jamie Lee Curtis circles the receipt activated something in you.

Pokémon Black and White

You think this was the series’ narrative peak when Arceus and Scarlet and Violet are right there.

Pokémon Black 2 and White 2

You’re a competitive sicko.

Pokémon Conquest

You’re a history major but haven’t done anything with your degree.

Pokken Tournament

You couldn’t make it in competitive Smash Bros.

Pokémon Art Academy

You can’t draw in any other context.

Pokémon X and Y

You haven’t stopped thinking about Mega Evolution and you don’t care that it hurts the Pokémon.

Pokémon Sun and Moon

Your ideal vacation is at the beach but you don’t live anywhere near one.

Pokémon Ultra Sun and Moon

You have parental neglect trauma.

Pokémon Go

This is the only Pokémon game you’ve played.

Pokémon Quest

You ran out of things to play after Super Mario Odyssey.

Pokémon Let’s Go Pikachu and Let’s Go Eevee

This is the only Pokémon game you’ve played that’s not on a phone.

Detective Pikachu

You are simply better than everyone else.

Pokémon Sword and Shield

You’re from the United Kingdom.

Pokémon Smile

Your love language is words of affirmation.

Pokémon Masters EX

You thought the hashtag was “Pokemon Master Sex.”

Pokémon Unite

You are annoyed when a baby cries in your proximity because you get mad about children when they are just dealing with the horror of being alive.

Pokémon Legends: Arceus

You have religious trauma.

Pokémon Scarlet and Violet

You either have daddy/mummy issues, or are just generally attracted to daddies and/or mommies.