The Alternative 2008 Game Awards

The Alternative 2008 Game Awards
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Game of the year wraps take themselves far too seriously. While we’re extracting our head from our arse, here at Kotaku AU we thought we’d have some fun and come up with some alternative awards to celebrate the last twelve months in gaming. We’d like to hear your suggestions too.Best Bromantic Comedy
Winner: Gears of War 2
While Army of Two may promote homosexuality, it really has nothing on this unashamed tribute to chainsaw three-ways man-love from Clifford Bleszinski, Esq.

Best Game About Stalking That Isn’t Called S.T.AL.K.E.R.
Winner: Braid
Also features the best plot twist since BioShock. The princess is in another castle after taking out a restraining order against you.

The “Premature Ejaculation” Award for the Game That’s All Downhill After the First Level
Winner: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Playing as Darth Vader, laying waste to everything in his heavy-footed way? Yes please. So why isn’t the whole game like that? What an abilitease.

The “Beeeg Amereeecan Teeeteees” Award for Most Annoying Character
Winner: GTA IV’s Roman Bellic
“Hey Niko, it’s your cousin Roman wanna go see some beeeg Amereeecan teeeteees?”

The “Goldeneye Really Isn’t That Good Any More But This Still Isn’t As Good As Goldeneye”Award
Winner: Quantum of Solace
And the film wasn’t as good either.

The “Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri: A Brian Reynolds Game” Award for Most Ridiculously Convoluted Title
Joint Winners: Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix, Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Heroes 2: The Phantom Fortress
Always be wary of titles containing two colons. Or games that can be “abbreviated” to SSFIITHDR.

The Beyond Good & Evil Memorial Award for Best Game Nobody Bought
Winner: Valkyria Chronicles
Fair enough, really. I mean, it’s only the best game on the PlayStation 3, why would anyone want that?

The Peter Molyneux Award for the Most Pointless Gimmick in a Game
Winner: Fracture
You shoot the ground to raise it up a bit or shoot the ground to dig a bit of a hole. Why did anyone think this was a good idea?

Think you can do better? Hit us up in the comments with your own suggestions…


  • The 2008 award for “The worst videogame idea of the year”…

    Winner: A Michael Phelps swimming game

    At least it’s not a Call of Duty game featuring him in budgie smugglers

  • The ‘XBox 360, ‘release a product regardless of whether it’s filled with a shit loads of bugs’ award. Phew, goes to ‘ALONE IN THE DARK’ on the 360. Never have i had to really try and try to play a game, but still just have to throw in the towel to safe my sanity! Patch that bastard now Atari!!

  • Nice to see you don the old Editor hat once more, David.

    So that this remains relevant:
    The “Shield Biting Berserker” award for most hilariously vitriolic game community goes to No Mutants Allowed. Nice work gentlemen. It can’t have been easy keeping that righteous fury boiling for so long.

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