Tell Us Dammit: If Australia Was An RPG, Who Would Be The Final Boss?

Kotaku reader Hermes asked this question on Twitter yesterday and I told him I was going to steal the topic, so here it is: if Australia was an RPG, who would be the final boss?

I mean the obvious choice is Tony Abbott, but I'm not sure if he wields enough power. I suspect he might be like the sub final boss, like the guy you are told at the beginning is the final boss, but then there's a twist and he's being manipulated by a more powerful force.

So I'm going to say the final boss of the Australia RPG is Rupert Murdoch. I think that makes more sense.

What do you think?


    Clive Palmer. If the government wants something then they have to go through him.

    Final level is the Titanic.

    Last edited 18/09/14 11:18 am

      Clive Palmer riding a dinosaur.

        But... but I thought the player is supposed to ride the dinosaur in the final level... all the best games do that!

          Wait... what games have you been playing? I wanna ride a dinosaur!

      A final boss must have a theme song.

      My Heart Will Go On, of course.

        The Time Warp. Not least because with a jump to the left and a step to the right you'd easily get past him (except if you're the govt and not capable of that kind of flexibility).

        Last edited 18/09/14 3:35 pm

    Oh, I thought it was gonna be like some kind of Australian monster, like the Bunyip, or Tiddalik the Frog. Or perhaps even the Yowie, the sasquatch of the south

    The NBN. It's been controlling everything from behind the scenes, employing Abbot and those before him to evangelise its magnificence and help spread its tendrils throughout Australia. It's kind of like the antithesis of Yggdrasil.

    Last edited 18/09/14 11:21 am

      Late-game reveal that Malcom and Steven were both just puppets dancing to its malevolent schemes.

    /Reads headline.

    Rupert Murdoch. He's been making and breaking governments for over 40 years, and his father was doing the same before that. He's clearly the end boss.

    /reads rest of article. *shakes fist* Goddamnit Serrels!

      Accompanied by Gerry Harvey who wanted GST on overseas transactions. Rupert Murdoch would still be the kingpin. Plus it wouldn't be much of a twist. Everyone would see it coming.

    The Lagbeast on the good ship Budgetcrisis and his 3 adds Kevo Gillo and Swanny

    Resurrected Steve Irwin.

      I like to imagine the ghost of Steve Irwin is the Navi-esque character.



      Last edited 18/09/14 11:37 am

        That's perfect!!!

        and when you go to equip a spoon he should be like "that's not a knife! that's a spoon!"

      Steve Irwin. SIIIIIIIDE-KICK!

    Paul Hogan dressed as Crocodile Dundee using fosters cans as weapons and shrimps on barbies as his minions. It just makes sense.

    Harold Holt.

    I'm back bitches!

      No he's your last minute companion that helps you save the world, back from his around the world swim.

        Mental image of a Thunderbirds-style underground base below the Harold Holt Swim Centre where he had been preparing everything for years.

        And he's super buff. Turns super saiyan when he hits low HP.

      Love it. He was kidnapped whilst swimming by a Russian submarine, brainwashed then returned as Communist Mecha-Holt.

    Tony Abbot (take 2) with Village Roadshow as a side kick which produces amazingly long quest dialog before the fight and Joe Hockey with AoE powers such "Tax Slam" "Gold charge for the health potion use" etc
    but your character gets special powers for this fight:
    - 'NBN cables' that do 0.0001% damage as cables are too short
    - 'boat people' - that run in different directions ones used taking a bit of agro from your character

    Last edited 18/09/14 11:32 am

    I'd imGine the final boos would be all Australian wildlife combining together to create a super creature of pure death. Or Tony Abbott, but he would be portrayed as The Old Iron King from Dark Souls 2...Looks like the devil

    The twelve steps of AA

    Nature - take your pick which is more bad-ass. Politicians and rich business people are simply old grey p*ssies in old grey suits with delusions of grandeur.

    The secret love-child of Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard only because those 2 doing the dirty would be so hilarious and disturbing at the same time and the abomination produced would end the world as we know it :-P

    Obviously it would be the mighty fearsome dropbear.

      This is clearly the correct answer. you sir can have the internet award for the day.

      I can just see it now.......

      The whole game lead up to a final boss fight with Tony Abbott (who we have been chasing all game believing he is the boss, but being the slippery little sucker he is keeps on eluding us), As the final battle begins with TA's patented "Ear Flap attack" followed by a devastating "Budgie Smuggler Slam" follow up move, a great battle follows much blood is shed. Then just when you think it is over BAAAAAM the real kingpin reveals himself and the real final battle begins.

      I knew it, it was those F**king drop bears all along !

        TA wearing his budgie smugglers, hard hat and fluoro vest, brandishing a lump of coal and screaming three word slogans. Dropped by a drop bear.

      I see the dropbear as like a Diablo 3 Nemesis. On account of how they attack from nowhere and can't easily be sought out. Probably only spawn when you have a foreigner in your party, given their love for tourist blood.

    The Australian Classification Board and the Australia Tax would make good mini-bosses.

    Australia would be the comedic side character everyone hates.

      Someone must be feeling patriotic today to neg me for that haha.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now