Moving house sucks. Not because of all the cleaning, the stupid grief your neighbours give you when you're taking fridges and washers out of your apartment, and not because of the hassle of dealing with real estate agencies.
The main reason it sucks is because once you've moved house, you've got everything in and you're finally ready to relax, there's one major problem: you don't have internet. So if you find yourself in a similar situation, or your internet is going to be down for whatever reason, here's 14 games that are perfect to pass the time.
Small tip for those on PC: to make your internet-less life much, much easier, make sure you tell your various game launchers to connect to "Offline Mode" while you're still connected to the internet. This doesn't help if the internet drops out on you randomly, but if you're moving house or you know you're going to be in transition for a while, it's a crucial step.
GOG Galaxy doesn't mind quite so much, but if you forget this step with Steam, Origin or Uplay you'll have to tether your mobile phone to get everything going. The PS4 and Xbox One, should be entirely fine, and the Switch does just fine offline as well.
Sometimes after a day of sweeping, cleaning, scrubbing and inhabiting God knows how many cleaning chemicals, all you want to do is watch things explode.
Nuclear Throne understands.
It's better if you've got a partner who is similarly strapped of internet, but Gauntlet - which was free for PS+ members a while ago - can be a good way to burn an hour or so. The spell-combining system is miles more fluid than Magicka ever was, and it's easy enough to get into the monster-slaying action without the amount of traversal and backstory Diablo 3 makes you wade through. (Although if you have a week or so without internet, Reaper of Souls or The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing might be worth grabbing.)
Thinking about not having internet is often a frustrating, depressing experience. You're cut off from the world. You can't check your social feeds. You're missing out on all the updates that might finally fix those BSODs you've been having. And then there's annoyance of not getting patches that might resolve the frame rate drops that latest AAA release is suffering.
But it's OK. Mini Metro will look after you. It's peaceful. Charming. Minimal. Pretty. And most importantly, it lets you design a transport network in the most diabolical way possible, giving you some catharsis for all those times you sat on public transport wondering what a properly designed metro network might be like.
Not having internet is undignified. The world seems so much slower. But since that's the case, you might as well use that peace and quiet to unravel some mysteries. There's a myriad of classic point-and-click adventures on Good Old Games that don't need an internet connection at all, so you don't need to worry about authenticating or pesky gigabyte-sized patches out of nowhere. The downside is that you'll probably get internet back before you finish, oh, any of them, but it's helpful to kill the time.
As for which point-and-clicks, there's the Grim Fandango remasters on multiple platforms. The Wolf Among Us is great way to fill a couple of nights after work, and if you want a real challenge The Dagger of Amon Ra was recently re-released on GOG. Good times for all.
If there's something you need when you're pondering the frustration of being without internet in 2017, it's a distraction. And what better distraction could there be about a video game featuring combat androids that changes genre every hour or so, a game five main endings and another 20 "joke" endings? It's ridiculous in all the best ways, and there's no better way to ignore your lack of connection to the world than by commanding robots who spend a lot of time blowing shit up.
You've got plenty of time, so why not take one turn or 1000? You won't be able to enjoy the multiplayer side of Civ VI without internet, but most people play singleplayer anyway. (And most people don't have time for a full Civ VI game, to be fair.)
Jagged Alliance 2
It'll probably take you a solid night or two to actually get Jagged Alliance 2 going these days: it's not the friendliest retro game to boot up. And you'll want to have downloaded a few mods beforehand. And then you'll want to take your time going through the psych profile opening quiz. And then you'll need a night or two to wrap your head around all the systems at play.
By that time, your internet will finally be back. And once you've got through all of the above, you'll get to play one of the better strategy games of the late 90's.
It'll take you about 10 hours to blast through the campaign, even if you spend a bit of time detouring for special weapons hiding amongst nebula or what not. Freelancer is still 10 hours of fun even in 2017, and the nostalgia trip is powerful enough to make you forget about the fury you're ready to unleash on the Telstra technician because he just postponed the damn phone line appointment again.
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
You've still got plenty of shrines to finish and bits of Hyrule to explore. And seeing as you won't be watching any new series on Netflix anytime soon, you might as well journey through Hyrule on the loo (or in bed, the kitchen, or anywhere else that also doesn't have a functioning internet connection).
Phantasmagoria 2: A Puzzle of Flesh
You've got time to kill, so sit back, relax, grab a stiff drink and then enjoy one of the weirder FMV games around. I won't lie to you by saying Phantasmagoria 2 is fun, but the crappy puzzles, hammy acting means the game improves every time a character gets killed off. Enjoy by yourself or with a crowd: Phantasmagoria 2 is the party movie you never knew you'd enjoy.
Unreal Tournament 2004
Frustrated with the hassle of moving, but want something a little more visceral and sports-like than Nuclear Throne? Grab some bots and start bashing the Liandri ladder to pieces. A perfect option if you just want to shut your brain off and work off that excess adrenaline from dealing boxes, UT2004 is as enjoyable today as it ever was. Still a good game at LAN, too.
You won't be able to enjoy the myriad of creations available through the Steam Workshop, but Planet Coaster is still a good way to unwind nonetheless. And all that extra headspace not occupied by everything the internet provides can you give extra creative space for making the diabolical rollercoaster of your dreams. Or you could recreate your living space and have a ride run through that, if you're so inclined.
One of the best singleplayer campaigns in a real-time strategy game, Warcraft 3 is good fun when you don't have internet because, well, not many people are still playing it online anyway. And given that the StarCraft remaster is just around the corner, you might as well spend some offline time strolling down memory lane.
It might not run at 60fps with the PS4 Pro, but the loading times have been vastly improved. And since it's probably been a while since you've run through Old Yharnam, why not fire up Bloodborne and get caught out by the enemies of darkness (hiding in darkness, behind walls, or anywhere where the camera can't see) all over again?
What are your favourite games to play when you don't have internet?