If Anybody Gives Animal Crossing An 8 Out Of 10 I Will Die

A new mainline Animal Crossing game comes out on March 20. We have waited nearly seven years for this. It saddens me to say I simply can’t afford to wait those last two months before yelling myself unconscious about it.

So I went ahead and reviewed it based on its trailers and my knowledge of the series, starting from a simple, terrifying thought experiment: what would happen to the world, and to me, if some horrible critic out there dared to give Animal Crossing: New Horizons an 8 out of 10? Watch me fluster myself thus in this video lecture.

[referenced url=”https://www.kotaku.com.au/2020/01/animal-crossing-new-horizons-switch-bugs/” thumb=”https://www.kotaku.com.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2020/01/Screen-Shot-2020-01-21-at-2.16.49-pm-410×231.png” title=”Actually, Animal Crossing: New Horizons Is A Hellscape” excerpt=”Animal Crossing is all about picking fruit, planting trees and decorating your own island, and so you collect a lot of bugs. Lots and lots of bugs. This used to be a perfectly wholesome exercise, but in the upcoming Animal Crossing: New Horizons, the island is overrun with absolute horrors.”]

[referenced url=”https://www.kotaku.com.au/2019/09/inject-wholesome-animal-crossing-new-horizons-gameplay-directly-into-my-body/” thumb=”https://www.kotaku.com.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2019/09/animalcrossing-410×231.jpg” title=”Inject Wholesome Animal Crossing: New Horizons Gameplay Directly Into My Body” excerpt=”After a long day at the work factory, I like to wind down with some feel-good content. While I’ve had to wait an extra few months for new Animal Crossing: New Horizons to hurry the hell up and get released, Nintendo Direct has delivered me just enough wholesome content to tide me over until March 2020.”]

[referenced url=”https://www.kotaku.com.au/2020/01/animal-crossing-fans-are-so-desperate-for-news-that-theyre-analyzing-obscure-stickers/” thumb=”https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_ku-large/l5vujasxstymgia7dhgl.png” title=”Animal Crossing Fans Are So Desperate For News That They’re Analysing Obscure Stickers” excerpt=”Earlier today, fans spotted some Animal Crossing: New Horizons decals for the Switch on the Japanese HMV store website. Eager fans are now pouring over them trying to figure out which new characters will be in the game.”]