This week, Final Fantasy architect Square-Enix went absolutely bananas and thought that it’d be a great idea to sell a “Masterline” 1/6 scale statue of Final Fantasy VI’s protagonist, Terra Branford. Based on Yoshitaka Amano’s iconic artwork from the game, it depicts Terra in her Magitek mech suit from the RPG’s opening. But here’s the thing: It’s eleven thousand dollars.
It’s a gorgeous statue, developed by Prime 1 Studio — who do some very ridiculous statues of pop culture icons — don’t get me wrong, and it’s absolutely ginormous, clocking in at just over 30 inches tall and weighing 75 pounds. But who needs a statue that costs $US11,000 ($15,270)? Or up to nearly $US14,000 ($19,435) depending on where you buy it from? Even Final Fantasy’s creator, Hironobu Sakaguchi, called Square-Enix out for the absurdity of the price.
But dear reader, I would need an $US11,000 ($15,270) Final Fantasy statue, if it was for basically anyone other than Terra Branford. I have many Final Fantasy faves, and alas to the VI fans, Terra is not particularly one of them. But here are some Final Fantasy icons that I’d be willing to spend an absurd amount of money on. Maybe not $US11,000 ($15,270), sure, but still.
The most primal of all summons in Final Fantasy, and one of its most iconic dragons, Bahamut would make for a pretty rad incredibly expensive statue. Big wings, all the fancy details, maybe some special effects to replicate his powerful attack, megaflare? You could do a lot with $US11,000 ($15,270). You could do a lot with a lot less, too!
The Red Mage From Final Fantasy I
I mean, look at that lil’ fella. Snazzy hat! You could use that $US11,000 ($15,270) to do some kind of super-detailed realistic interpretation of one of the most classic Final Fantasy designs — the Red Mage was one of the original six jobs in the very first game — but honestly it would be much, much funnier to see Square-Enix ask for $US11,000 ($15,270) to just get you a 3D replica of the original sprite.
Final Fantasy VIII’s kickass schoolmarm — despite being like, 18 years old, because that’s how age in Japanese roleplaying games works, you might as well be dead after 20 — was a riff on another Final Fantasy job, the Blue Mage. Blue Mages don’t have a repertoire of abilities of their own like other schools of magic in Final Fantasy; they instead take abilities from enemies and use them instead.
That’s a long way of saying it would be really silly to see a statue of Quistis using her Laser Eye beams in a sort of “Silence, Brand!” fashion.
Emet-Selch is one of the greatest antagonists in Final Fantasy history, but even if you’re a diehard fan you might not be aware of that, because he’s from the wildly successful MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV, and you have to have played it for like, at least 60-odd hours before he even shows up. It’s worth it though — he rules, and somehow there’s like, zero merchandise for him. Might as well start with the $US11,000 ($15,270) statue!
I’m sure there must have been statues of Final Fantasy X’s iconic summoner doing her famous dance/funeral rite/excuse for Square-Enix to show off its lavish CG budget on the PS2 from early on in the game, where Yuna walks on water to send the spirits of civilians killed in a monster attack to the afterlife. But if you had $US11,000 ($15,270) to do one? You could go bonkers. Make that shit glow or whatever, it could be really, really cool.
Not only are Chocobos one of the most iconic pieces of Final Fantasy iconography, imagine how fluffy you could make a statue of one if you were hocking it for $US11,000 ($15,270). All those feathers! I would die.
Another Final Fantasy XIV character you have to play a zillion hours to encounter and then you will immediately fall in love with, but sorry, you cannot fall in love with him: he is already my husband, and I will bludgeon anyone who says otherwise with my $US11,000 ($15,270) statue of him.
Literally the Spell Meteor From Final Fantasy VII
If we have an $US11,000 ($15,270) end goal to work with here, why not go nutso, really? Meteor almost destroying the world is one of the most memorable shots in Final Fantasy VII — hell, the meteor is in the game’s logo, it’s the most important threat in the entire game, the thing our heroes are all desperate to prevent. That many thousands of dollars could get you a very cool depiction of Meteor trying to smash into the planet, and all the little green glowing tendrils of the lifestream racing to prevent it.
Speaking of FFVII! Like basically every other person who played it, I am not and will never be over the mental scarring that was Aerith (forever Aeris, RIP that original English translation) being murdered by Sephiroth. But I could be slightly less not over it if I had a really cool ginormous statue of her.
Another entry in this list, another Final Fantasy XIV husband. Sue me, I like that game a lot! But also, G’raha Tia rules and $US11,000 ($15,270) dollars could net you a very good catboy statue that, I dunno, maybe you can press a button and it plays “Eternal Wind” so I can cry at something other than spending $US11,000 ($15,270) on a statue.
Black Mages are another Final Fantasy icon, and Vivi, a Black Mage whose powers include casting Firaga a lot and having a manic depressive existentialist crisis in Final Fantasy IX, is the most iconic (and relatable) of all. Maybe my actual favourite Final Fantasy character. Plus, at $US11,000 ($15,270), I bet you could get as close to having a life-sized statue of the diminutive wizard as possible.
My Warrior of Light, a Large Cat Man
Back in the day, World of Warcraft used to offer a service where you could get a 3D printed statue of your character, that you could get posed in a variety of animations from the game, and it would replicate all of your current armour and whatnot. It’s a cool idea, and I would love if Final Fantasy XIV did a similar thing for your avatar, the Warrior of Light. Mostly because my guy is a very large Cat Dad — a Hrothgar — who summons gods, and I think that’s a very neat subject for an $US11,000 ($15,270) statue.