Elon Musk’s Dumb Elden Ring Build Proves The Billionaire Is Maidenless

Elon Musk’s Dumb Elden Ring Build Proves The Billionaire Is Maidenless
Photo: Suzanne Cordeiro, Getty Images

Elon Musk, who is 50 years old, is just like any other 13-year-old. Between long days spent fanboy-tweeting at Metal Gear Solid video game designer Hideo Kojima, drinking chocolate milk, and determining the definition and reach of “free speech”, Musk plays Elden Ring.

It’s known he plays other video games, too, including civilisation simulator The Battle of Polytopia and the open world role-playing game Cyberpunk 2077. Typically, Musk doesn’t say much about the games he plays other than the fact that he enjoys them. But when a Twitter user asked Musk for Elden Ring advice on May 9, the billionaire delivered by sharing a few details of his character’s build.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This build…it doesn’t make much sense. Just as I have suspected, having around a $US250 ($347) billion net worth turns the grey matter in your brain’s frontal cortex into individual packets of mustard. But let’s get closer to the mess and figure out why Musk’s “move fast, break things” mindset doesn’t apply to Elden Ring.

It’s unfocused

I’ll start by saying that if you’re having fun while playing Elden Ring, then your build is a good build. It seems Musk is reveling in his disgraceful build, and I’m happy for him, though I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it.

Musk says he uses an “Int/Dex build, so mostly mage with some weapon skills,” and he keeps his “shield in left hand, staff in right with rapier & claws fast switch.”

Piling most of your points into levelling intelligence and dexterity, or pursuing an Int/Dex build, is a common and useful approach to creating formidable magic characters. Dexterity gives casting speed a small boost in Elden Ring, dexterity-scaling weapons tend to be on the lighter side (ideal, since mages are probably putting points into intelligence over equip-load-increasing endurance), and there are plenty of weapons that scale with both dexterity and intelligence to choose from.

But just choose one. Musk has four weapons equipped at all times, which can make it difficult to bring anything up to its maximum strength. Carrying all that around also adds unnecessary weight — mage characters typically don’t need shields because they torpedo spells from a safe distance, and fast switching between weapons of unequal power wastes time and puts you at a disadvantage in battle.

Carrying at least one weapon is ideal for when your FP-replenishing Flask of Cerulean Tears drains, but if your primary stat is intelligence, you need to use magic as your primary weapon. It’s the strongest tool in your arsenal and will deal the most damage.

Then, when you pick a secondary weapon for when magic is inaccessible, you should preferably pick one one that scales with your high intelligence, but you can use anything that you’ll commit to bringing to its maximum strength through smithing stones.

Variation might be lucrative when it comes to making Teslas crash into police cars, having Falcon 9 rockets zoom rich people into space, and enticing former president and current Twitter exile Donald Trump back to the social media platform you just bought. But in Elden Ring, a lack of focus makes a giant sit on you, killing you instantly.

It’s overcomplicated

Change armour from heavy to medium for fast roll or tank. Move talismans around a lot.

I have been sitting here trying to think of a time when someone would need to change armour mid-battle for the express purpose of rolling, but I can’t. Much like how The Boring Company’s Las Vegas Convention Centre Loop tunnel is just asphyxiation underground with more steps (or a highway tunnel with more steps, a worse subway with more steps, etc.), Musk’s approach to armour is unnecessarily complex.

If you’re playing a mage character like Musk as we established earlier, you should be hurling your magic at Elden Ring’s armour-clad undead from afar. If you’re spending most of the game outside of everyone’s direct warpath, you can probably wear nothing but your auto-equipped body type B bralette and still successfully murder people, like if Euphoria had a bloodthirsty, 11th-century wench character.

But you can also adjust your armour to best protect you in certain terrains or during specific fights, like by equipping a poison-resistant hat for when diabolic plants fart on you. Exceeding your equipment load and making your character “heavy,” though, leads to ineffective, drowsy rolling or dodging, something you want to avoid in fights where every movement matters (most of them). Changing your armour just to roll is another time sink. Don’t do it.

Switching talismans around is a less overt issue, and doing so might even lead you to an unexpected favourite. That said, it’s absolutely not a requirement if you have a collection that already works for you. Ultimately, your damage output, stats, and ease of movement will guarantee your success — talismans are just sprinkles.

Um…

Many small hits in a row to damage stack is important.

I’m not completely sure what Musk means by this. All damage stacks in Elden Ring, but the extent of the damage done will be affected by a specific enemy’s damage resistance. As far as I’m aware, there is no situation that necessitates “many small hits in a row” over, for example, HP-dissolving critical attacks like backstabs or just well-timed regular attacks.

He could be referring to the Twinblade Talisman, which makes the final attack in a chain of hits more potent, but I don’t know. Do you know? Is this about how many stop signs a “self-driving” Tesla can roll past until the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration decides to enact a perma-ban on stop signs?

Musk gets one thing right

Summon!

No emperor can run an empire alone. He needs workers to degrade and daddy’s money.

You, lowly Tarnished, aren’t so different from the lonely billionaire, and if you get stuck in Elden Ring, just ask the friends you keep in your back pocket for help. Calling on a jellyfish works, too. Other than that, I know that many people find Musk inspirational, but when it comes to developing your Elden Ring build, you might want to avoid the association.

A billionaire’s grind and goal-obsessed mind is helpful for tricking yourself into believing that rich people deserve their wealth because they want everyone to sleep under their desks like human snails, but in Elden Ring, social mobility is actually possible. Your character comes from nothing — no health, no family, no maiden, nothing — and single-handedly demolishes an empire. It’s incredible, and if Musk’s shitty mage build is any indication, a billionaire couldn’t survive it.

Comments

  • Ah another”lol Musk is stoopid!” article disguised as gaming content as the author reaches for nonsense.

    Don’t worry though Kotaku, I get you all would fuckin’ explode if you even considered agreeing with even one benign little thing said by someone who had the ‘wrong’ opinion on other things.

    Even if his tweet would likely make more sense than this article to people who have played the game for any decent length of time.

    The article reminds me of those “Top tips!” guides where authors copy and paste shit from elsewhere without actually playing the game themselves.

    • Did you read the same article as I did? Because it was full of on-point criticisms about his arrested emotional development, the string of completely ridiculous ideas he keeps selling people, his long history of abusing workers and his constant droning about how the world would be better if everyone just worked harder to make him rich.

      Oh and it was also how his build is needlessly complicated and incredibly inefficient, with solid reasoning on why.

      Do you just love the taste of boot polish or don’t read well or what?

      • Thanks for proving my point.

        Authors like this are incapable of agreeing with ANYTHING people like Musk does… Even if its something as benign as an Elden Ring build.

        The biggest indicator is how the author quite literally goes out of their way to have no clue about the ‘damage stacking’ Musk mentions, purely to make him look like the idiot. Yet he mentions using claws that are weapons in the game notorious for stacking the bleed status that absolutely melts enemies, and shockingly they do this VERY efficiently with ‘many small hits in a row’.

        So now we’re left to wonder if you even know what you’re talking about as far as the game goes, or if you’re just doing the exact same thing as the author all because you think Musk is evil.

        • I hate to break it to you the interesting and talented Musk that use to be around has gone on a long holiday, this other one is really not doing much at the moment other than being a whiny, walking meme.

          Now I don’t think he is an idiot but his grasp on brilliance has been eroding for sometime.

          That said, why do you have it in for this author? Cos your post says more about you than it does the author. You have taken an article you could have just skipped and made into hilariously political piece, that doesn’t exist in the article itself.

          • Of course, why could anyone possibly ever have an issue with an outlet who disagrees with someone at every possible turn, regardless of what they’re actually saying? Such a mystery!

            Also hilarious coming from you. I mean hell, I can’t recall getting a reply from you that WASN’T some shitfit turning my comment into something it wasn’t. Yet I’ve absolutely made replies to you in the past agreeing with what you said.

            And as for ‘having it in for this author’ I don’t even recall knowing their name before this article, though maybe if they keep writing articles like this I will eventually remember it.

            I also don’t particularly care about Musk one way or the other, he’s just the current punching bag so of course he’s going to be used as the point of reference.

    • They will keep doing it, cause of the responses you got who must have their fix of Elon hate. And then utter shit like boot eating because of course they did…

  • Disagree.

    I went with a Dex/ Into build, from a wretch, and became OP towards the end-game, and clocked it (100%).

    It was the most fun build I’ve had in all the Souls games.

    Right hand
    Katana with bloodhound step, quick swap with
    Moonviel katana.

    Left hand
    Staff

    Talismans
    Use the best stat buffs, and defence buff

    Rune
    Godrick rune for awesome stat buffs for all stats.

    Wondrous flask
    Some amazing INT tears for flask that buff stats and also prevent FP loss for a period of time.

    • You don’t have a useless shield for a mage build, fat rolling and an endless lottery of talismans. He does. Which is the point of the article. She specifically says that dex/int is not only viable but popular. Because it’s fun. I run dex/int usually because I like power stancing katana. The problem isn’t dex/int, it’s dex/int mage with shield, heavy armour, too many spare weapons and no real plan on which talismans to use.

  • Kotaku you are such hypocrites. You have articles criticising people for the get gud idea and yet here you are. Look I get that Elon is a bit of an overenthusiastic snake oil salesman and a bit of a spiv but you dont get to have it both ways around the get gud idea.

  • Damage stack likely referring to the fact he uses claws, trying to get that bleed damage to kick in.

    Either way that last paragraph sounds pretty salty towards a billionaire stranger. Did the author of this article lose out on some Tesla shares or something?

  • TL/DR

    ‘Elon Musk said things on the internet that hurt my fee fees, now everything he does is bad, harumph’

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