Swatch, the Swiss watchmaking company, has joined forces with Toei Animation to give weebs around the globe a timepiece to remind people around them that they watch Dragon Ball Z.
Of course, I say this all with love and jest, as I am also a fan of the series myself. I am, through and through, an anime enjoyer. Anyway, this collaboration has come in the form of 8 Dragon Ball Z watches, with 7 of them available to purchase RIGHT NOW and a Very Special Watch available to purchase from October 1st.
Sometimes anime and gaming merchandise can be a little bit ugly, and sometimes it can be really nice. A great example of some very good-looking merch for gaming would definitely be the Uniqlo x Final Fantasy collaboration, which I still consider to be a huge win for fashionable gamers everywhere. The Swatch x Dragon Ball Z collaboration, in my eyes, has some bangers but also some stinkers.
As somebody that has an opinion, writing for a website that draws in people full of opinions, I thought we could go through the Swatch x Dragon Ball Z watches together as I say whether or not they stink good, stink neutral, or stink bad. This will be determined by their Stench level. This is all my personal opinion, you might disagree with my stench levels. If you do, that’s fine!
Let’s tell the time! Hm. Actually, I don’t know if that works. Let’s, uhh… Let us… Take some time… To watch… The time… Watches. Yeah. Alright. Sure, whatever.
Goku: Neutral Stench
The Goku watch, otherwise known as The Watch Of The Absentee Superhero Father, is probably the most Dragon Ball Z watch you can get. If I try to picture a DBZ watch in my mind palace, the lovely lady that runs the place would bring this to me. In saying that, I appreciate a classic style. However, it’s nothing new. That is why I give it a neutral stink, as if it were a smell that you would smell on any odd day.
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Vegeta: Pretty Great Stench, About 9000
There are definitely parts of the Vegeta watch that don’t excite me, but I do love the details. The watch face being a power scanner? Chef’s kiss. Incredible. Very clever. The secret Great Ape on the inside of the watch? I love it. Nothing better than a secret ape. The beauty of this Dragon Ball Z watch is definitely in the details. I also would’ve happily accepted the inside of the watch being baby pink with ‘BADMAN’ printed on it, as an ode to this Vegeta slay.
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Kamesennin: Fantastic Stench, Sorry
The unfortunate reality here is that Master Roshi, the pervert man, has easily the coolest watch of them all. The tiny details here are executed so, so well. I can’t get over the nosebleed being the watch arms. That is just… so clever. On top of that, the inside of the watch is a reference to his tropical shirt, which is also a certified slay. Although, it does give me Rugrats energy. Despite his pest energy, his watch in my eyes is probably the best one of the lot.
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Majin Buu: A Perfect Pudding-Like Stench
The only other Swatch x Dragon Ball Z watch that is S-tier, in my opinion, is the Majin Buu watch. I’m a Good Buu head. I love that big fat fuck, he is my best friend. If there’s any big sweetie I’d want to represent on my wrist, it’s him. The simplicity of the belt-inspired watch face as well as the colours to go along with it just does it for me. This is easily the most aesthetically pleasing watch of the lot.
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Cell: Bad Stench, Children’s Sandpit Adjacent
Sorry to the green goblin appreciators on the crowd, but the Cell watch is more suited to a little baby. If you went hog-wild for The Land Before Time as a kid, this might be the watch for you. All I’ll give it is that it’s very accurate to the Cell design, but every time I look at it I feel like it would make a T-Rex roaring sound if you pressed a certain button. All that being said, it’s not the worst of the lot. You haven’t even seen the worst of the lot.
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Frieza: Mixed Stench, Love It Initially But Starts To Sour
When I first laid eyes on the Frieza watch, I thought it was great. However, every time I look at it again, something turns me off it. I will say that I have always loved the Frieza colour scheme, so this is very aesthetically pleasing to me. The back, on the other hand, gives me a weird feeling. Maybe because it looks almost ribbed, but for no one’s pleasure at all. I want to like it, but I also just… get a weird smell from it. Torn. I’m truly torn. Love the front, but do not love the back.
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Gohan: A Putrid Stench, Almost Offensive To Smell
What Da Living Fuck Is Goin’ On With This Timepiece.
The Gohan watch is the physical embodiment of having a severe sensory overload in a Zing! Pop Culture store. I understand what they’re trying to achieve here, but it’s just too much. Not to mention, the Kamehameha move is not exclusive to Gohan, so the Impact-esque font on the front in lieu of numbers feels unnecessary. This feels like a watch aimed at children, yet it’s not. For the first time, I’m seeing something putrid that I do not love. It is scaring me.
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There’s also the Shenron watch coming on October 1st, with a normal version and a numbered special version. Considering it’s not available on the Swatch website, I can’t get a good idea of what the whole thing looks like. However, the image we’ve got from a press release is, similarly to the Cell watch, giving me Dino vibes. This is somewhat fair though, as Shenron is a large lizard.
What do you think about the Swatch x Dragon Ball Z collection though? Which one is your favourite? If your favourite happens to be one that I did not like the smell of, I deeply apologise.
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