I Have Some Preorder Bonus Ideas For Pokémon Scarlet and Violet

Sometimes game companies miss the mark when it comes to preorder bonuses. A recent example: the forthcoming Pokémon Scarlet and Violet games.

To get you up to speed, the Amazon Video Games Twitter account announced that customers for preordering Pokémon Scarlet and Violet would receive a code for ten potions, ten antidotes, and three revives to use in-game.

Because all three items are easily obtained through gameplay, people pointed and laughed at them. They probably would’ve thrown tomatoes or even large rocks if it were an option.

Nowadays, people expect a little something-something as a treat for preordering games. What’s the point of doing anything if you’re not getting a little treat? Especially if it involves money? The good gamers of the world deserve a treat, I say!

Despite being a problem for Nintendo to solve, I thought I would jump in with my ideas for preorder bonuses that could constitute a better offering than easily-collected in-game items.

Please… For the love of God… Take a look.

A live rat

Everybody wants a rat. I go up to strangers in the street, pull a live rat out of my pocket and say, “For you?” and they always take the rat and thank me. Considering there are many different colours of rats in Pokémon, and I’m sure there will be 40 more in Pokémon Scarlet and Violet, it would only make sense for a live rat to be a preorder bonus for Pokémon Scarlet and Violet.

Three dollars

Alright, be honest. When have you not needed three dollars? Sometimes if you buy a washing machine, the people who made the washing machine will give you some of the money back. All you have to do is go to their website, fill out a form, call somebody, give them all of your personal details, go to an undisclosed location, meet a business elf, get beaten with a baseball bat by the elf, pass out for 20 minutes, and the business elf will give you the cashback.

Forgot what I was going for here but I think a reasonable three dollars would be good preorder bonus for Pokémon Scarlet and Violet.

A sexy little peanut

Come on. You know you want this sexy little nut. Everybody wants this sexy little nut. He poses, winks at you, and tells you secrets that only a peanut would know. I think this would be a really great preorder bonus for Pokémon Scarlet and Violet because there really isn’t enough nut representation in Pokémon as a whole, let alone representation of very sexy little peanuts like this little freak here.

Two live rats

Hear me out. Two rats are better than one rat. Thanks for listening.

I think this would be a great preorder bonus if you were to buy both of the Pokémon Scarlet and Violet games instead of just one. The dual pack should really come with two live rats instead of one, because what are you going to do with one rat and two games, you know what I mean? You know what I mean.

A human hand

Gaming is so crazy. Sometimes you are just gaming so hard that one of your hands goes blue and numb, and then it stops working. Thankfully, if you were to get a human hand as a preorder bonus for Pokémon Scarlet and Violet, you would be able to play your Pokémon game for twice as long. This is a great tool for any gamer, so I think people would really love it if Pokémon came with one of these.

Gord

Ǫ̸̢̡̫̹̩̘̺̫̱̥̭̈́͑̽̒̆̈̏̈̿́̈͘̚̚̕͠h̵̡̢̛̰̩͈͇̭͎̺͕̹̮̖̭͓̀̃̑͑̌̋̆̿͋͒͛͛̑̊̌̕͜͠ͅ ̶̧̡̢̨̢̡̲̝̟̲͖͎̹͓̙̦̣̞̗̘̭̠͈̹̑͐͑́̿̇̀͝F̸̜̥̰͈̼̟̲̝̒̆͆̔̋͑̊̍̈́̄̽̇̈́̊̈̏́̿̐̒͗̔̀͛̚̚̚͘͠u̵̥̥̣̘̘̬̽̈́̅̐̐͐́͆̌̉̍̒́̓͋̓͛̿̕c̴̨̧̡̡̺̰̝̞̭͕̻͚̗̰̣͉̗̬̳̥̳̥̙̤̦͔͕͓̥͍̅͑̓̏̑͐̌̎̅͂̏̆̾͆̑̑̈́͛̄̉͠͠͝ͅk̷͈̺̬͖͉̗͖͍͉̥̲̟̋̅̋̂̍̎͌̒̾̽̆̈̊̎ ̸̢͍̠̘̹̼̜̻̬̼̙̖̩̙̫̫̘̹̯̪̰̖̬̖̯̳͋̊́̆͒̊̈̔̉͌̓̾̾̚̚ͅǪ̷̨̨̭̮̝͓̩̠̪̻͕̥̳̫̭̰̗͈́͐̀̉̈́̉̎̒̐̓̌́͆̊̏̈́̍̈́̀̇͌̽̊̐̓̚͜͠͠ͅh̴̛͚̣̫̖̳̦͈͒̐̐̀̐̈́̈́̐̑̕ ̶̨̩̉͌̾͑͌̊͂͐̈́͗͂̈̈́̉̎̃̎͠S̸̡̡̛̻͖̪̯̝̯͉͇̖̟̘̜̗̗̞̤̣̞̯̝̪͊̈̾̔́͑̈͋͗́ͅh̸̨̢̧̛̗̪͈̦͎̯̩̞̝̺̫̟̞͓͇̣͔͎̼̣̼͍̞̻̥̏̑̑́͊̿̉̅̅̎̄́͂͗̅̏͋͋̐̕͘̚͜͜ͅį̶̨̡̢̦̪̼͉̰̭͕̳͙̲̟͔͈̲̹̭͓̰͇̗͉̺͖͋̾́̏̅̿̀̉͒̐̑̓̓̈́͌̾̑̒̀̀̊̑̈̅̏̕͜͝ͅt̶̢͙̻̭͇͂ ̵̛̰̭͐̾̋̃̇̽̿̅̉͊̓̋͐̇́͘͝O̶̢͕͚̗̺̱̭͇͍͖͙̱̳̮̺̩̭̖͈̤̭̗͗͑̊͒͆͊͛͗͗̾̑͛͌̏̎̆̎͐̕͜͠ͅh̵̝͚̙̺͔̰̫̺̣̽͊̑͆̆̋̿̿̌͛̓͊̅̓̈́̀̑̔̅̕͝ ̷̦͈́͗͐̐̊̃̓̿̐̍̈́́̈͊͆̚̕̚G̶̨̨̧͓̙̹͖͔̪̦̻̠̭͖̳̳͓̟̗͚̭̩̻̿͗̾͐̓̒̈́͐̓͋̎̔̂́̋͗̄̀͛͊̈́̈͜͠o̶̡̤͉̝̱̝͇͉̞̟͓͙̳̥̲̫̯̝̥̫̒̂͊͐̍̊̎̄̃̍̈̈́̽̀̚̚ͅd̴̛̟̦͎̳̯͂̈́̄͑̑͒͑̂̏͒͊̆̋̀͆͌̚̚͝ ̵̗̳̮̭̪̮͍͎͙͉̟̪̜̼̻̥̹͇̗͖̜̤̻̖̉̿̊̀͋̑̏͋̇Ơ̴͉͍̓̐̽̇̑͆̀͗̋͗͌̾̽̑́̋́̓̾͋̈́̋͘̚͜͝͝͝͝h̸̡̯̬͉̤̩̣̗̜̟͉͑̑́̑͆͌̋͊̍̀̇̂̌̉̾̌̇̃͑̊̂̽͐͐̽͘͜͠ ̴̜̹͓̩̮̝̲̘͓̣̐̔͌́͑̽͂͐̆̋̈́́̀͊̄̌̇̚͝N̶̦̺͉͉̭̻͇̟̮̤͔̭͉̤̜̱͉̮͇̤̫̘͙͍̏̓͌̆͆̇̽͊̂ǫ̷̨̢̬͚̩͉̱̜̱̠̟̯̜̬̖̜̭̳̟̰̻͖͈̑̀̿̿̃͝ͅ ̵̡̢̢͖̦̖̜͎̼͈̟͇͖͎̠̖͙̖͚̺̬̰͙͚̮̻̜̭͂̂̈́́̍̈̊̈́̾̌̇̀̆̂͆͂͝ͅͅƠ̷̢̨̨̢͙͇̳͔̞̱͕͔̤̘̣̠̹̫̫̳̝̼̹̅͌͂̄̇̅̀̓̽͐̈́̇̿͆̃͌̐̿̈́͑̔̉̕͘͜͝͠͠͝h̸̡̧̢̞̳̖̖̰͙̱̰̭̻̻͇̙̱͓͍͇͊́̀̊̽͐̎̑̓̕͜͜ͅ ̶̡̨̣̞͕̝̮̤͓̝̙̖̗͕̩̼̣̲̱̗͈̗̞̠̍́͒͌̑̿F̷̺̻͓̻̗̞͍̗͉͖̘̖͓͚̮̟͍̞̯̳̏́̀̃͆͊̎́̈̈́̃̓̀̀͆̃̇̀͒͌͘̕͘͝͝ͅu̵̢̡͚͍͙̫͕̻̓̓̇̀c̶̨̢̱͔͉͉̤͉̺̭̤̻̦̦̫̣̞̎́͛͐̈́̆̈́͘͜͝͝ḱ̴̨͖̬̲̖̗͚̝̟̺̭̪̭̙̟̟̮̩͎̲͇̳̗̰̹̬̉̀͆̀͘͝ͅͅ ̶̱̉̒̌͝Ö̶̧̞̙̮̟̻̣̤̪̭̺͉̦͓̣͙́͌͆̃͛̑̍̊̋̄̀̑͛̓̋̓͊̌͗́̆̕̕ḩ̷̡̹̲̠̞̻̝̱̝̘̱̗̞͇͚̻̗̝̪͖͙̲̱̯͖̯̠̱̜͍̅͊̔͂̎̿͋̀̑̚̚͝ ̴̞̦̮͉͓͓̫̺̯̟̻̻͕̬̥̞̹̣͍͍̽̾̋̌̋̅͊̽̌̓̾̀̀̓̑̈́̒͠S̵̛̘͕͖͇̓̔͐̂͐̉̃͛͗̓͒̔̽͋͋͛̕͝h̵̡̨̰̻̹̱̞̮̺͖̪̥̺̹̱̮̭͍̆̀͜i̴̛̩͉̣̞̹̟̱̤̬̘̳̦̫̱̙̗̭̟̰͗̿́͆̄̊͒̑̇̓͌͐̐̈̈́͆́́̄̿͌̽̏͘͜t̷̢̟̜̺̠̻̰̹̞̺̙͓̮̘̯̞͍̺̳̟̺̯̳̊̀̓́̓̌̋̃͘̚͘͜͝ ̵̪͔͔̜̬̗͖̭̿́̒͛͑̀͋O̸̧̢̨̳͍͖̗͙͋̀̊͒̿̊ͅh̶̨̘̼͔̹̱͎̱̟̜̼̃͌̌̐ͅ ̸̻̣͚̃͛̈́͑́̀̂̒̑́̽̾́̒̏̓̐̕͜͝F̷̡̢̨̨̛̭̞̗̰̹̙͍̫̮̲̺͖̺͎̦̱͚̭̼̫̘̟̞͕̈͆̈͂͌̿̆̐̈́́̿̒̌̒̆̇̓̅͘͠͝͝͝ͅų̴̛̛̞̪̻̻̯̝̪̫͖̗̩̝̩̤̟̮̟̓̓̒̃̾̀́̀͗̽̉͆̉̅̅̍͛̆̽͒̉͋̚͘͝͝͝͠ċ̸̢̧̛̻͔͍̠̩̞͖̦͓̺̰̘̯̄̊̇̈́̋̋̅͗̓́̀͘͘̚͘͜͠͝͠k̴̨̨̭͕͚̹̜̝̱̣̩͕̪̠͔̮̱͓̮̳̹̲̪̬̺̼̉͊́͒͗͑̏͛̏́͂̈́͋̽̀̌̑̀̿̾͆̈́͂̆̒͛̓̈́̕̕̕͜͜ͅͅ ̵̛͙͊͒́͋̂͘͠͝O̴̥͙̩͚͎͙̘̠̝̺̭͔̩̤̟̗̹̫̠̱͕̅͑̆̀͗͜͝h̶̡̛̖͚̣̫̮͇̮̲͚̦͚̭̤̼̐̈̐͂̆͋̃̍͊̄͛̎̊͒̃̓̿̌̏̚̕͝͝ͅ ̷̻̠̭̼̥̻̊̋̾͗͒͆͌́̍͌̏́̽͊̌̔̔̈́̃͆̄̔̾͋̂̔͜͠͠N̴̨̨̯̹͙̺̫̲̤̺̣̫̣̩̩̬̝̼̭̱̮̯̤̫͈͇̻͖͇̎̀͆́͆̌̈́͜o̵̧̢͔̖̲̥̫̻͙̜̻̠̪͙̩͇̩̙̱̞̻̲̾͛̍͌̆͊͑͋͒̀̈́͋̉̈̅̈́̾̍̕͝͠ͅ ̵͍̬̘̻͍͚͙͚̺̜͎̫̲̤̺̼͈̰̭̫̠̠̪͖̻̗̭͈̊̾͑͆̐̃̓͋̄̿̓̿̈́̌͂͛̈́̀̈́͑͠O̵̠͍͔͉̪̣̻͚̎̒̽̂̂̓͛͆͑̐́̾̔̓͂̄̍͋̈͂͊͘̚͝͝͝͝h̵̪̮͎̬̙̺̲̘̦͍͍̳͇̝̭̣͔̼͕͎̫̥̹̻̋͆͐͂̍̓̀̇̅̂̓̒̒̇̕͘ ̴̢̨̢̼̟̜̦̯͈̦̬̮͖͉̈́͌̄̄̏͋̄̓́̎̿̆͑̅̃̊̃̔̏̓̿̚͜͝͝͠͝ͅF̸̡̬̻̞̟̬̞̥̲̦̖̟̲͛̀͆͐̎͠ǔ̴̡̢̡̜̬̤̗̝̝̳͓͕̮͎̲͍̗͙̮̬͜ͅc̷̼̗͍͎̼͎͓̻̖̰̍̄̉̓̐̾̅̐̽̐̓͗̂͂̾͑̔̃͆͝k̵̡̟̥̯̭̼͇̫̮̲̑̿͑̂͒͑̉̈̋̿̓͋͑̓͊̾͂̀̓̕̕̕͜ͅ ̸̨̨̧̫̥̝̠͈̦̱̳̜̲̦̥͉̪̣̫̺̓̔̌̈́̈́̎̈̇͋̅̀͗̀̂͒̓̀̔͜͝ͅƠ̷̧̙͓̙̝̟̦̦̳͈̼̫̺͓̻̻̤̟̰̖̊͌̎́̌̿̀̋͆͐̏̋͆͊̋̒̐̄̔̚̚͠͠͝͝͠͝h̶̘̓͒̒̄̔̊̐̉̇͛̉̆͐̎̃̅̄̓͌͐̀̐͑̈̀͊̚͘͠ ̶̧̢̡̢̛̱̘̪͇̩̼̝͈̞͉̻̞̰̼̺̩̘̣̟͚̱̪̮̝̼̿̒͆̿̓̊̏̽̈̇̽̔̄̅̎͊̇̊̚̕͝͝͝ͅŠ̸̱̝̣͉͔̩̥̮ͅh̵̛̟̫̺͓̮͚͈̪͂́̔̈́͐͗̉̀̋͐̓̂̋̂̒̈́͛̚̕͝͝i̷̢͍̦̙̹̗̣͉̥̫̮̱̙̫̺͔̟̫̻͚͍̋̄̓͒͐̆̋͊͌̇̚͜͝͝ͅt̴̛͖̲͎̪̳̠͉̬̱̲̙̞̮̳̙̄̓̈́̊̔̒͂̏̓̈́͑̓̌͒̔̇́̕̚͠ ̵̢̢̨̛͍̣̺̞̮̳͖͍̳̤͈͚͔̪̣̋̓̈́͐̋̆͌̈́̈̈́̋͆̀͛̅̈̃̍̿́̕͠Ô̶̢̨̡̨̲̫̹̤̭̻̐̾̄̑͠ͅh̸̢̛͙̲̭̲͊̐̈́̃͌̐̓͗́͑́̀͛̀̅̆̕̚͝ ̶̩͈͕̞̈́̊̅́͂̉͒̅͆͂̿͆̌̋̀̑̆̈̕̚̚Ĝ̴̛̤̮̖̼̮͍̌͐̋̓͑̀̓͗̾͠͠ọ̵̡̭͍̭̝͖̼̯͓̰͔͛͗͜d̷̬̻̤̫̯͂̽͆̌̎̚ͅ ̸̢̯̺̩̞͎͎̳̝̯̱̰̦̄͛̇̄͆̈́̐͒̾̿̅̅̉̔͐̎̚͘̚͠O̵͙̱͔̣̣̩̮̖͕̾̎̎͑̔͠ͅh̶̡̨̧̢̛̩̻̤̤̦̺̘͇͕̱̯͓̠̞͓̯͚͈̜̘̘͂̉̇̓͐̔͊̀̄͆̀̎̀̀̑̄̀͌͑̾͋̔̑̚͝ͅ ̷̪̰̼̝̼̤͗͐͂̈̃̇̀̿͒̾̈͒͑͗̌̈́̊̎̇͝͝͠N̴̢̨̧̧̠̝͓̼͙̮̲͔̝̯̪͕͛̾̓̓o̶̡̢̡͚̦̱̮͈̣̦͔̠̣͕̪̣̭͉̞͔̻͍̣͖͉͍̓̋͗̾̌́̀̐̈́͆̈́̍̌̃̒̍̊̈́̅͒̈̎̂̆̂̍̕̕͜͜͠͠ͅ ̴̡̢̢̢̪̭͔̺̜̱̜̜̣̟͚̻̝̙̮̥͍̟̖͙͈͓̞̰͐̾̑̉̉̓̊́̉͗͛͒̽͑̇̑̄̓͊̋͗̀̀́͜͝͝͝ͅͅP̴̦̘̘̮̱̥̹̳͙͕̐̈́̂̔́̀̃̿̄̽̑͂l̸̡̖̤̗̘͈̣̥̰̘̰̬͗̈́̿̇͋̓̅͛̊̀̈́̍̀̀̔̌̿̐̇̋̏͝͝e̸̖͔̮͔̐̿̅̔͊̽͌͝å̸̡̢̛͈͕̲̘͉̗̘̪̫̼̬̭͇̥̱̣̹̟̥̠͎͇͈̣͉̟͑̐̽͊͂̂̎̀̍́̈́͗̕͠s̸̪̯̻̩̣̪͕͌͊̈̍͌̃̓̈́͌̎͂͂͘̚e̷͊̎̅͆̂̂̎̎̏̄͌͆̔̍̊͛͒̌̋̉̀̈́͜͠͠ ̵̝̯̪̺̈̿͒̏͌͒̎̍̌̄̒̃̉̋̊̉͂̌͘͝S̸̳͓͈̺̥͈̘̹͒̿̆̅̈́̿̇̎̑̈͐́̾̽̃̎͆̑̎̂̽̍͘̕͠͝p̶̧̢̢̨̧̙͇̮̠͇̥̗̬̝͕͔͎̰͈̻̤͕̭̮͎̼̰̪̯̠̏̅̒͐͂̍͛̿̉̾̌̃̌̉̚̚͝ͅa̶̟͉̺̠͖̟̥̩͉̺̳̦͇̲̼̹͙̟̾̈̓̐͂̆̏͜r̴̡̛̳͙̮̖̳̘̘̯͙̪͚͇͖̹̰̺̰͎̞̥̐͊̾̂̊̐̈̌̉̐͑̂̊̕ȩ̶̛̪̳̫̯͑̏́̋͋͑̍̐͒̆͒͜͝͝ ̵̛̛͍̐̒̓̃͗́̈̐̑͌́͛̏̄͗̀̃̏͠͠M̸̡̡̛̼͖̬̯̟͉̘̜̮̜͍̺̳̰̬̬̱̺̩̰͙͙̗̯̤̣̦̙̂͂̑̃̄̐́̔̀̂̌͆̋͘͘͝ͅȩ̵̯͙̋̍͑̌̓̚ ̷̢͎͙̌͌͊̑̇̉̽̾͆̆͐̆͐̉͘͘̕̕͠͝Ģ̷̡̛͍̱͙͇̣̣͈̖̭̯̞̬͙͎̫̜͎̬̼͚͇̮̮̲́͛̀͋̈̒̽͆̒̉̅͘͠͠͝ͅǫ̷̢̡̡͖̮̮̫̙͖̰̼͇͖̮̟̟̠̩̝̜̝̘̺̞̭͉̅̓̐́͜͝͝ͅŗ̶̛̞̲̟͔͕̖̝̻̮̺̰̹͖̩̹͎̀͌͌̽͑̋̆̋̊̈́̈́̀̍̈́͒̀̈͐̀͐͛̀͑̀̿͒̍̈́͜͝͝ͅd̴̢̢̮͖̗̙̰̭̠͍͙͈̭̓̔̐͋̒͛͐̅́̒̑̇͗̽͝͝ͅ ̸̢̢̤̠̻̮̉͜Ṕ̶̢̨̧̡̤̻̫̙̗̯̗̫̮̩̬̱͈̦͇̩͓̠̳͇̭͇͇̼̱̪̪́͑͒̀̔́̋̔̏͋̇͘̕̕ļ̴̨̢̙̥͓̭̗̮̻̲̤̖͚͚̗̙̖̫͙̯͈͍̤̺͓̆͗͗͜͜ę̸̧̨͎̙̪̥̱͍̜̘̬͈̲̫̤͇͎̘̦͈̹̪̻͍̀̒͒̌̆͐̌͜͜͜ͅa̶̧̢̡̬͈̰̼̖͚̳̖̪͙̣͛̿͊́ͅs̴̡̡͕̣̰̯͎̫͙͓̊̽̽͑̾̇̅̽̔͊̈́͒͘̚͠͝ê̸̛̛̪̩̺̦͈̺̺̦͉̒̍̒̈̾͑̿̋̀̈̀̂̎̂̀̔̅̎̓̈̊́̕͠͝ ̵̨̭͙̗͕͓̮̫̝̪̙͚̻̲̪̺̺̗͈̞͚̗̫̲̳̲͑͂͑͐͜͝S̵̡̢͍̹͕̝̰̰͇̪̆͊͆͒́̃̾̃͒̔̍̒͂́̕͘p̵̨̢̥̪̼̤̪̳̮̱͈̗̠̦̫͇̫̙͕̟̞͔̟̩̳̗̺̳̟̝̬̐͋͒̔̎́̈̃́͑͌̂̈͑͊̇̾̾́̚̚͘̕̕͝ą̶͈͈͕̣͎̪̭̬̯̱̟̝̦̜͓̮̀͛͐ͅr̸̡̢̛̛͓̲̭̞̞̖͖̘͙̥̞̳̜̘͇̟̰̾̓̄̀͌͗͐͐̆̈́͂͋̔̿̿̓́̄͋̍͝͝͠ę̵̢̧̡͕̖͔̙̺͇̰̥̗͍̣̣̞̳̟̝͓͔̦͍̹͙̟͛̀̈́́̀̈̂́̄̑͌̉̀̎̅̂́̋̐̈́̽̅̌͆́̉̐͘͠͝ ̷̧̖̹̻̪̫̊M̴̢̤͖̟̙̞̦͔̺̣̣̖͙̫̠̜͖̤̮̞͕̬̜͉͖̮̟͖̿͌͗͒̿̆̇̐̎̉͋͜͜͝ͅe̷̳̫̳̦̙͔̰̰̹͌͛͒̀̐̔̀͑͂̕

Gord is a great addition. Everybody should have a Gord. Gord is my best friend. Gord is the best Pokémon. If everybody has a Gord, then everybody will have a Gord. Isn’t that just Gord-damn beautiful? I love you Gord. Preorder Pokémon Scarlet and Violet for bonus Gord. Thank you Gord.

Pokémon Scarlet and Violet will release on November 18th, 2022 for Nintendo Switch.