Squishmallows are a great gift for touch-starved children and mentally sick adults, and I just so happen to formerly be the former and currently be the latter. Thanks to this, it simply makes sense that I would be the one to write about the Gengar Squishmallow.
The release of Pokémon Squishmallows was announced in the middle of last year, with many excited that The Pokémon Company and Squishmallows were finally coming together to make some big, fat, squishy babies. The first release consisted of a Pikachu Squishmallow and a Genger Squishmallow, with both creatures coming in various different sizes.
Now, I’m not a Squishmallow connoisseur, but I am related to one. My little sister collects them often, and her room is full of those fat little freaks. I’ve held one, I’ve hugged one, and I’ve smacked one multiple metres across a room. So yeah, you could say I have some experience with them.
When David informed me that he would be purchasing a Gengar Squishmallow for me to “review”, I knew I was equipped to handle it. First of all, I love a good plushie. I appreciate a certain material, level of squish, detail of design, and general goofiness. Secondly, I am a Gengar fiend. I love that spooky bugger. It’s got a look in its eyes that tells me it loves crimes and schemes, and I appreciate that in a monster.
And finally, I don’t have anything better to do. What else am I supposed to do, write about video games? Review a video game? What am I, a journalist? Absolutely not. I’m a weird little dropkick that spews rancid garbage!
So let’s talk about this thing. This guy. This fat fuck right here. The 20-inch Gengar Squishmallow.
How does the Gengar Squishmallow look?
The 20-inch Gengar Squishmallow very much gives the vibe of Gengar with its purple tone, bright red eyes, and million-dollar smile. The spikes on its head and back aren’t sharp or even slicing hazards, but are instead soft yet solid.
Rather than having real arms, the arm outlines are embroidered onto the Squishmallow, which is probably my only critique. It would be very funny for this guy to have weird little arms. That being said, I understand the design decision in terms of it being a Squishmallow, as these creatures notable to not have arms or legs.
Speaking of the embroidery, it’s great. Due to Gengar as a Pokémon being a fairly simple-looking beast, details aren’t difficult in recreating it. With that in mind, the embroidery as a whole on the Gengar Squishmallow is tight and well-done, and makes for a beautiful face on a beautiful boy.
Most importantly, this thing is huge. When you hear 20-inch, you don’t really give it much though. However, once you see the damn thing in person, you realise just what you’ve gotten yourself into. I’ve included a picture of me holding the Gengar Squishmallow so you get it.
So in terms of how the 20-inch Gengar Squishmallow looks, I pretty much have no complaints other than the arms, which is not its fault as it was born that way. The Gengar Squishmallow looks great, I love looking at it, and I could spend the rest of my days sitting in an empty room with two chairs placed to face one another. I would sit in one seat, and the Gengar Squishmallow would sit in the other.
Look: 9/10
But how does it feel?
Fantastic. From putting my hands on a lot of Squishmallows in order to annoy the living shit out of my little sister (what else am I good for?), I’ve gotten a good idea of just how good Squishmallows feel. The Gengar Squishmallow is made with ultra-soft spandex and polyester fibers, which make it very soft and very squishy.
With every coworker that I introduced the Gengar Squishmallow to, I asked them to give it a hug. They did, which made me feel influential. In hugging the beast, I saw their faces show a deep calmness and peace. Every single time. It was almost scary, and for a moment I thought they had died. Thankfully, they hadn’t. That’s a lot of paperwork that nobody wants to deal with!
This is the sort of plushie that you can feel asleep with. Fall asleep on. It feels really, really good. If you need something that is going to free you from the chains of not being comfy, this is it.
Feel: 10/10
Does the Gengar Squishmallow understand me?
No. It’s a plush toy incapable of sentience. However, it may fall back if you try to stand it upright, which suggests that it could be capable of feeling a deep, dark depression.
Sentience: 1/10
So what’s the verdict? Did you have fun? Was this worth it? Can this thing bring one inner peace?
The Gengar Squishmallow, in my completely unprofessional opinion that should not be taken as any sort of legal or financial advice, has the ability to heal all wounds on the inside and outside. I very much enjoyed my time with the Gengar Squishmallow, and will continue to do so when I take it home and keep it forever until it one day decides to leave.
In terms of whether or not it was “worth” it, this thing costs $99 at EB Games. So, uh… not sure about that. However, I wouldn’t replace it with anything else as I believe it may give me the power of telekinesis one day based off of the sheer amount of good vibes I’m getting while it sits in my lap. No kidding, it’s right here with me now as I type this.
I’ve never felt better in my life. Is that sad? Maybe. Oh well!
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