In a world of situationships and ghosting, there’s one relationship that will remain a guiding star for kids of the 2000s. If you tried to guess who I’m talking about, you probably heard an extremely incorrect buzzer noise – I’m talking about the Nintendogs dog show commentators, Archie and Ted. Don’t ask me how I know, but I strongly believe these two unassuming dudes explored each other’s bodies in the deep lore of the 2005 pet simulator, and I won’t be convinced otherwise.
If you’re behind the pack on what in God’s name I’m talking about, let me bring you up to speed. I’m diving beyond the tip of the Nintendogs deep lore iceberg, the Nintendo DS classic behind many a Christmas Day family argument. (Real ones remember being scolded for shouting your dog’s name into the DS mic fifty times on a long trip to see your extended family.) In the game, you can enter your pampered pooch into all sorts of contests for agility, obedience, and more – showing off those sick tricks you’ve worked hard to ingrain into your fur baby’s mind.
During said Nintendogs contests, players are graced with the presence of Ted Rumsworth and Archie Hubbs, two commentators who’ll keep you up to speed on how the proceedings are going. As regular commentary partners, they’ve got a solid bit of banter with one another, and we get a glimpse into these two highly pixelated men’s lives. I just happen to think that part of their lives is wanting each other carnally, thanks to the ridiculous chemistry between them.
Do ‘just work friends’ tell each other, “you make me feel like a man”? I think not. Eight-year-old I may not have been that well-versed in the inner workings of romance beyond knowing I was in love with all of Scooby Doo’s Hex Girls, but I just knew there was something between these two. Nintendogs sits squarely in G-rated game territory, but Ted and Archie were flirting hard and that’s that. It’s a match made in heaven, two men united by their love for dogs (and each other), with Archie’s goofy humour and Ted’s often deadpan reception of said humour.
If you’re still with me on this and wondering what kind of brain rot has taken hold, I promise you I’m not the only one running with this theory. A quick online search churns up hundreds of posts musing on the sexual tension between the two, with many decrying Archie’s departure from his commentator role in Nintendogs + Cats – how are we meant to get more deep lore on the two if we don’t see them interact?
All I’m saying is that something’s in the air after all those late night competitions, exchanged looks, and witty banter, and it’s not the frisbees being yeeted into the air for someone’s yappy Labrador to catch. Here, I even found a cursed fanfiction about it if you’re interested in doing more research.
You’re welcome, or I’m so sorry.
Image: Nintendo
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