I am very tired.
I start work earlier than most people (7am) and consequently I tend to wake up earlier than most people (5.45am typically). I also have a 14 month old toddler who likes to wake up in the middle of the night and hit me over the head with an iPhone.
I also lead a busy life. Writing that sentence sits uneasily with me, because the subtext of ‘busy’ is always ‘I live a fuller life than you’ or ‘I’m important’. It’s arrogant and I hate it but what I mean by ‘busy’ is that my life is full of stuff.
I wake up early. I go to work. I finish work at 4. I rush to the daycare centre to pick up my son by 5. I take him to the park. I get home at 5.45 where I feed, bath and read his bedtime stories in time for my wife coming home at around 6.30. We sing a song and my wife puts him to sleep while I get dressed to go climbing, which I typically do for 2 hours.
I usually get home around 9.30pm. I eat dinner. I check my email, sometimes do a bit of work, then I clean the kitchen. At that point it is usually around 10.30pm and I have to be awake in 7 hours. Even if I went to bed at that precise moment I still wouldn’t be getting the recommended 8 hours of sleep, and even if I did, that sleep would be interrupted by the afore-mentioned son hitting me over the head with my mobile phone thing.
I guess what I’m saying is this: I am currently playing Dark Souls II instead of sleeping. This is my actual binary choice: sleep or Dark Souls II. What’s it going to be?
For the past two or three nights I’ve been choosing Dark Souls II and it’s not going so well.
I’m buggered. My body is aching from a combination of constant, physically demanding exercise and lack of proper recovery time. I look like shit. People are actually commenting on this. I’m having difficulty engaging in normal conversation with regular human beings and for some screwed up reason I have a really irritated sore right eyeball. Or is it my left eyeball. Fuck it, they both hurt to varying different degrees.
My wife is also a little bit angry with me. Not a lot, but at least a little.
A problem: my son is in the middle of squeezing a goddamn tooth through the flesh of his actual gums, so he’s been a little bit fussy recently. Last night I made the worst, half arsed attempt at settling him back to sleep at around 11pm. Usually I can get my son to sleep pretty easily – I have a bomb-ass technique – but last night my heart just wasn’t in it.
I walked out at 11.10pm. “Nah, not happening. It’s your turn”.
My wife, in reply, only half joking.
“Obviously your game is more important.”
Apply water to burned area.
Usually this kind of passive aggressive condemnation is enough to have me launching into action like a defensive jack-in-the-box. Not this time. I slumped into the couch, controller in hand. Back to the grind. Dark Souls has cast a spell on me and with that spell comes a dulled, muted ability to completely ignore the subtleties of marital communication.
I crawled into bed an hour and half later. 12.40. I had to get up in five hours time. At some point, in the middle of the morning, I remember being hit over the head with a phone. Was it my wife or my son – I was too tired to tell.
I'll be updating with new Dark Souls II Diary posts throughout the month! I'm looking forward to playing through the game with all of you by my side. Stay tuned!