I know Cyberpunk 2077 is very open about its sexuality, or at least everyone else’s sexuality. But I still wasn’t prepared for my Cyberpunk 2077 inventory to become dildo central.
Night City, evidently, loves dick. Residents simply can’t get enough of it, which is probably why every second ad is offering Ghost in the Shell-esque hard on enhancements, braindances for virtual sexcapades, and other types of banging-related toys.
But when you walk around the city, particularly in the first 10 hours of the game, you’ll notice that there are just a lot of dildos. Everywhere. I mean not just proudly standing on the shelf in a sex shop on the street. That’s obvious, and to be expected, although the range and the way they’re displayed could put some real-life sex shops to shame.
I’m talking about the rubber dong’s proliferation everywhere else. I’m talking random firefights, only to find a stray studded BBC hanging out next to a box of ammo. Or just a pair of double-enders hanging out by the back of a bin, free junk to sell to … wait, who exactly is buying a used donger that’s been hanging out by the bin exactly?
Oh wait. This is Cyberpunk 2077. You can sell anything. Right, carry on.
Unsurprisingly, and as I mentioned earlier today, there’s a neat little Saints Row tribute in the game. After doing a side quest, you’ll be able to walk around with one of the better early-game melee weapons: Sir John Phallustiff.
Nobody in Night City cares if you walk around with a dildo on full display, by the way. Don’t slap the NCPD cops with it, though.
As suggested by VG 24/7, who had a similar experience, the nature of open-world RPGs means developers inevitably have to replicate an item thousands upon thousands of times to fill these vast, virtual spaces. And because junk is an essential part of the crafting system, and also an easy way for V to generate eddies early on, you end up coming across a lot of dildos everywhere.
Here’s one of the few dildos I can’t loot. It’s in an abandoned, rundown pub. A rural, country town pub. Why is there an unloved dildo in one of the upstairs booths? There’s no doors or enclosure here. Is the outback Cyberpunk 2077 world that rough that people would take any community donger that’s available?
Alternatively, it’s got me wondering how much of this was deliberate on CD Projekt Red’s parts. There’s obviously some specific placement in certain cases, particularly when heading into quest areas where key narrative decisions take place. And it’s also just one of those Video Game Things where objects just find themselves in strange places, due to the magic of video game engines and the sheer necessity of developers just getting stuff done. (That’ll happen more going forward too, especially once more AI object generation becomes commonplace in major video games, the way procedural generation is today.)
I wish I could show you more shots, but unfortunately some hard crashes to desktop cut short the amount of recording I could do. And a bug with the game’s Photo Mode — which has been fixed for release — complicated matters further. But Cyberpunk 2077 launches in a couple of days. You’ll get to see plenty of dong for yourself soon enough.
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