Man, was it ever hard to drag my broken down flesh capsule out of bed this morning. The events of the last two days have left me sleep deprived, delirious and — now — extremely sick. Feels like I have a golf ball in my throat.
Not to worry. The lozenge of video games shall cure what ails me.
Yeah, that's probably not going to happen. Time to liveblog Nintendo's E3 presentation or whatever they're calling it. Looking forward to this one.
Also: you can watch the event live here.
1.45 Sweet lord I really want to see whatever Retro Studios is working on, and I expect to see it. Also — new 3D Mario please. That's it. Everything else can bugger off. Oh, and Metroid for the 3DS by Next Level Games. What are you guys and girls hoping to see?
2.00 OKAY IT'S HAPPENING!
It's way too early in the morning for this shit.
2.04 So that's Starfox Zero. It's definitely a traditional Starfox game. Sure, I'll play it. Looked a bit underwhelming though. Kinda a b-tier Nintendo series for me to be honest.
2.06 Great more motion control camera nonsense for me to turn off instantly.
2.11 Honestly, I feel like this might be quite cool in practice — all the vehicle transistions look seamless and super fun.
2.12 Really digging on these amiibo transition shots.
2.14 Skylanders/amiibo — goddamn Nintendo and Activision just sending people broke with this bullshit. GOOD JOB I'M IMMUNE TO THE LACK OF PLASTIC RUBBISH*
*unless it's Dark Souls
2.17 Triforce Heroes looks like a Four Swords style 3DS Zelda game. Not sure I can get behind this but sure, some people love that series. So far Nintendo seem to be indulging in reinvigorating the games in its back catalogue that I don't like that much!
WHAT ABOUT ME NINTENDO!
I feel like Triforce Heroes would have been a far better Wii U game, with everyone playing on the same screen at home.
2.24 Trying to remain optimistic about Metroid Prime Federation Forge but man... why? What is that? Really not liking what I'm seeing so far from this.
2.28 Dancing anime thing. Good times. Video games.
2.29 Cool cool, December 4 for that Xenoblade Chronicles X. At least it's coming out this year. I think I might have to give it a blast considering the enthusiasm for its predecessor.
2.31 Animal Crossing Happy Home Designer is the video game that had to happen. People are going to lose their minds over that shit.
2.35 Okay, I see. It's going to be one of those E3's for Nintendo. A Wii Music year. Not a Mario Galaxy year. It's okay Nintendo, we're still cool. We're still cool.
2.37 Yoshi's Wooly World is goddamn sexy as shit. Not words you would expect to hear, but true nonetheless.
2.41 Mario Tennis. Holy goddamn giant Peach is a horrifying nightmarish creation. Currently shaking in a fetal ball.
2.47 Would legitimately watch an entire movie of these two just talking about how they created different parts of the original Super Mario Bros.
2.52 Well that was a little underwhelming to be perfectly honest. Actually, really underwhelming. But at least it was watchable.
Man, I dunno. Maybe I'm being too generous.
Actually it was flat out weird.
Oh well, it's over now. At least we have puppet GIFs.
Thanks for joining me! Have a good sleep!