This is not a review of Bayonetta. Oh no, my friend. This is something else entirely. Bayonetta - and its sequel Bayonetta 2 - are action video game masterpieces that are out today for the Nintendo Switch. I've been playing them for a couple of days. I asked you (on Twitter!) to ask me anything about the games.
We're going to discuss the framerate (constant 60, even in handheld mode) and the touchscreen controls (Bayonetta 1 has them now, as well), and we're also going to talk about whether Bayonetta washes her suit, which is made of hair, with detergent or shampoo. The answer might surprise you - though it will help if you woke up in the mood to be surprised by something ridiculous.
If you want my critical opinion about the games themselves: They're incredible. They're technically deep, rewarding action video games. They have great aesthetics and music. They are fashionable and cool. The story is bonkers, and you know I love bonkers. They're wonderful, and more exciting to play portably than I thought they would be.