British Soccer Writer Is Baffled By The Prospect Of Gamers Humping

In an article titled "Are eSports Going To Replace The Beautiful Game?" British GQ contributor Andy Mitten spins a yarn about going somewhere where there are no Manchester United fans.

Where are all the sports-hungry young men, he wonders? This is where the esports hook comes in, a full twelve paragraphs after the article has begun.

Listen: This is just an interview with Sam Mathews, founder and chairman of Fnatic, with some opinions from the attendees of the Lisbon Web Summit thrown in. You have probably read something like it before about esports, or video games in general, or board games or comics: Bam, Biff, Pow, Comic Books Aren't For Kids Anymore.

These are all hobbies that a lot of people enjoy except for when it comes time for a forty-year-old dude to write about it, and that's fine. Your mum emails these articles to you, and it's nice that she pays attention to your interests.

There's this one super fucking weird sentence in Mitten's article, though. When he describes esports athletes, he says:

"They make millions through prizes, appearance fees or merchandise. They have fans and fan clubs who sing about and chant names of star players. There are transfers between teams. Some of the athletes even look like they have had consensual sex."

It's just a sentence that makes you stop and think, "Where was this man's editor?" And also, "Can you share your facial recognition technology that could help prevent rapes?" First of all, esports dudes fuck, a lot, and Compete has been there every step of the way to let you know about it.

Second of all, this sentence implies that up until this point Andy Mitten thought that all esports athletes were probably rapists. Somewhere between writing eleven books, as noted in his Twitter bio, and now, he thought to himself: Huh, I bet people who play Counter-Strike professionally also constantly rape people.

Esports athletes are just, you know, some guys? These are normal people who just happen to be really fucking good at League of Legends. Even if they didn't have sex, they'd still be great at video games.

I dunno, I'm also gonna wager a guess that most of them aren't going around raping people all the time. Esports doesn't necessarily have a more or less healthy relationship with sex than non-esports scenes. They have one that's equivalent with the rest of the world. The value of these men isn't measured by how many times they have put their genitals on, in or around another person.

And on the flip side, it's not like your sex organs fall off if you've played Candy Crush in your lifetime.

Remember high school band? Band kids didn't care about being cool — or they did in the jazz way where you talk about records all the time but not do the cool things jazz musicians did, like smoke weed. Me and my emo kid friends would laugh at their earnestness and make fun of them for being virgins, despite being virgins ourselves.

It turns out, I would have had better luck catching a dick with them than among my friends who loved Taking Back Sunday and crying about how girls are mean. It was because these people knew what they liked and weren't ashamed of it.

It's way easier to get someone to have sex with you if you're not caked in a layer of ironic detachment. People who have a passion are pretty hot, even if that passion is MOBAs.

There are plenty of things in life that young people do that I don't get. I have never much liked EDM, I don't use Snapchat, I can't understand Discord and to be honest I really, really don't get esports. But when I struggle with a Snapchat filter, I don't wonder about whether or not people who use Snapchat have consensual sex.


Comments

    "..Some of the athletes even look like they have had consensual sex."
    while i can see how you have come to this point of view based on taking this sentence literally, but i interpret this sentence in another way which is most likely the writers intent.
    He's obviously just throwing shade, referencing the stereotype of the fat overweight basement dweller hacker geek nerd monogamous-not-by-choice gamer.. and that this isn't what he saw (obviously obvious, not the issue)
    instead of meaning that these athletes are raping girls cz these dudes are forcing themselves onto girls, i really think the author meant (chuckin shade) these dudes look normal enough to have girls agreeing to have sex with them.
    I guess its a matter of perspective, but occums razor says author wouldn't write something as provocative as that with esports athletes being his subject, but another writer writing about that writer would want to write something provocative as his subject is to drive traffic to his article through provacation...
    that last sentence just shows how easy writing is

    Ignorant moron writes ignorant article. More news at 11.

      The article actually isn't bad if you read it. It sounds like he has made a real attempt to understand, even if he acknowledges he doesn't get it.
      Sam explained how 60,000 had recently watched an eSports event at Beijing’s iconic Bird Nest stadium. I struggled to get my head around why anyone would travel to watch people play computer games, but I was the odd one out here.
      There is a bit of the pasty nerd stuff like in the quoted paragraph again but he explains that that was his preconceived misconception
      I assumed that people who played a lot of computer games were pasty-faced geeks who struggled with real-life social interaction. I was in for a surprise

      Was actually quite a good article, comparatively

        Yes the guy is struggling to understand it, But it does not justify him pretty much resorting to high school level insults. I mean it would be like me writing a similar article about sportsmen and inferring they use sterroids and have tiny genitals.

    What a lot of text for a throwaway line.

    I look forward to an equally long and indignant dissertation regarding Candy Crush's propensity to make one's genitals fall off.

    "Some of the athletes even look like they have had consensual sex."

    Haha, love it.

    But, are you mad?

    Um, he's not implying they rape. He's implying they actually have had sex.
    He's referencing a tired cliche that nerds dont get any so you're aware.
    You've over analysed a throw away line.

      There is a bit of that but I have never heard the term consensual used in the virgin cliche joke
      That came across as weird to me when I read it

      It's the fact that he explicitly uses the word "consensual", implying that the expectation is they have had non-consensual sex, i.e. rape.

      Then why not just use the word sex? Why bother including the word "Consensual"?

        For flow? The added syllables fill out the sentence more than if you exclude it. And I guess the implication there is that someone was willing to do it with them, but then it doesn't explicitly differentiate it from if they had to pay for it instead.

      I honestly just think it's shit writing and a poor attempt at a cliche joke.
      I think he worded it poorly in a way that can be read into way too much.

    If the best he can do to promote e-sports is by writing an article that makes jokes about gamers being virgins and rapists then its not really worth reading. Its not worth giving these people the oxygen or add revenue.

    I dunno....
    Where's his editor?! Where's your fucking editor....

    And where do you get off age-shaming the dude for fucks sake.

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