Zelda Doesn’t Let You Pet The Dog, So This Player Built A Machine That Can

As some of you may have already discovered this week, Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom does not let you pet the dog. Link may approach any dog he likes, but he may not touch it. He may not interact.

You may have heard about Can You Pet The Dog?, the Twitter account that changed the course of modern video games. The account is dedicated to dobbing in video games with no facility for greeting friendly animals. The entire games industry cowers before this account and its legion of followers. In 2023, pettable dogs are everywhere. Nobody wants to get called out for having an unpettable dog, such is the might and reach of Can You Pet The Dog?

We appreciate that calling out a game as widely loved as The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom for unpettable dog crimes must have been hard for the illustrious account’s admins.

You cannot pet the dog in The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom pic.twitter.com/dAxQCnKF5X

— Can You Pet the Dog? (@CanYouPetTheDog) May 12, 2023

An unacceptable situation, I think you’ll agree. In a game that says yes to so many things, being able to pat a dog seems like an obvious oversight. Not to worry: the problem has been solved through the raw ingenuity and mechanical genius of one dedicated player with a couple of hours to kill. ‘If Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom will not let me pat the dog organically,’ they have clearly reasoned, ‘then I will use its own systems to make the game pet the dog for me.’

And thus, an intricate machine of perpetual canine massage was born. Observe:

“you cant pet the dog in tears of the kingdom”

not if i have anything to say about it… pic.twitter.com/kT9uKEVDsF

— Noah (@noah________a) May 16, 2023

That dog is getting a proper pat. That dog is getting a pat like the machine has been possessed by the spirit of Nelson Muntz himself. Twitter user Noah, we salute your good, good work.

Of course, there are other ways to interact with the dogs in Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. If you befriend one by throwing it an uncooked piece of meat, there’s a chance it will lead you on a treasure hunt in return.

Anyway, we’re now prepared to refile the question Can You Pet The Dog In Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom? The answer is Yes, We Have The Technology.